Don't Leave
by themadsearch
Summary: Riley is now in her freshman year of high school and it seems like nothing has changed, but has it? Riley finally breaks and ends somewhere she never thought she'd be. (T for suicidal tendencies)
1. Chapter 1

Genuine happiness, that's something that Riley Matthews lost in her freshman year. Not much had changed since seventh grade. Her parents were still happily married, she had all of her friends, and she kept up her grades. Nothing seemed to be wrong, right?

High school proved difficult for Riley, her father didn't follow them to high school so there were no more lessons relating to their lives. Lucas and Maya's relationship worked itself out and they were no longer the awkward couple that they were in Texas. Farkle took advanced placement classes so that took up more of his time but he'd be around when he could be.

All of that made it harder to realize what was actually going on with Riley. Her friends had no idea that Riley was only a shell of what she was before. She faked her best smile and but soon she knows she wont be able to fake it. She doesn't care anymore. Riley used to cry a lot, sure she was sad about her first crush and her best friend but she knows she shouldn't be this sad.

But she doesn't do that anymore; she doesn't feel anything, until she takes the blade to her skin. Physical pain is the only thing left in Riley's life.

Riley would creep around her apartment long after everyone else was asleep when she would cut herself. It started off as one or two cuts now and then but now they lined her arms. She'd think about how she hated herself and asked herself why is she even alive. She loved the sting of the blade and watching the blood drip off her once unscarred skin. It was a rush of ecstasy in a her dismal life.

It's November in New York so there is nothing suspicious about Riley only wearing long sleeve shirts. Besides her decreasing number of smiles and occasional meal skip, there is no reason that anyone should worry about her.

School was just about going through the motions, playing a part. She had a class with each of her friends but she had a method by now. She would show up as late as possible to avoid conversation and she was the first one out. Riley would purposely get lost in the crowds so that no one would talk to her.

Lunch was spent in the library with Farkle. Farkle has always been very observant and always caught on if something was bothering Riley, but he had other things on his mind and Riley didn't blame him. He might have noticed her detachment if they were able to speak. Riley appreciated the silence.

Riley avoids Maya at all costs; it isn't as hard anymore considering Maya and Lucas spend a lot of time together. But Maya catches on that she hasn't talked to Riley in a few days and decides to stop by Riley's bay window after hanging out at Lucas' apartment.

Riley's usually open bay window is closed but luckily Riley is sitting right there. Maya knocks softly and Riley jumps not expecting anybody. Riley turns to open the window and Maya climbs in.

Maya starts to sincerely notice Riley. She was wearing a baggy old sweater and leggings, but underneath it, there was even less of her thin frame than before. Her hair just fell, hiding some of her unwelcoming face. She has bags under her bloodshot eyes. Where a smile used to be on Riley's face, there was now nothing.

"Hey Riles" Maya cracks a small smile.

"Hi" Riley responds and drifts back into her own thoughts.

"How are you? It's been a few days, I miss you"

"I'm fine, just tired." Maya knows that it's a lie.

"I can see you aren't fine, can you tell me what's wrong?"

This time Riley doesn't respond.

Maya pleads with Riley, "Please, Riley"

Riley stands up to distance herself from Maya but Maya grabs for her wrist to keep her close but then Riley winces in pain and jerks her arm from Maya's grip. It takes Maya a second but then she looks at Riley's covered wrist and then at her dejected face. And she knows.

"Riley, pull up your sleeves, show me that you aren't actually doing this…"

Riley avoids eye contact and sits on her bed but Maya takes the lead and makes Riley look at her. With Riley's face in her hands, she knows she doesn't have to see her wrists, she can see it in Riley's eyes.

"Why?" Maya begs for Riley to answer her.

"Please, don't tell anyone" Riley finally whispers

"I want to help you Riles, talk to me!" Maya snaps and there are burning tears in her big blue eyes.

"Maya, I'm broken."

"What happened?"

"I don't know" Riley responds and Maya's first tear has fallen.

"How long?" Maya questions on.

Something in Riley cracks "Months, Maya! How did you not notice until now?! You were my best friend you didn't know! It's like something has a grasp on me and won't let me feel happiness, I can't stop it. Cutting myself is like taking back control, so I feel something but it isn't enough anymore, Maya, I'm terrified! I needed you but you weren't there!"

Tears fall from Riley's face for the first time in weeks, she cries because she is hurting Maya but also because she knows the severity of her situation.

"Riley, I'm so sorry."

Riley collapses to the ground and Maya goes to her to hold her while she cries. Cory and Topanga hear the noise from Riley's room and run in. Riley has her head nuzzled against Maya and she can't hear them come in over her now loud cries. Maya makes eye contact with them through her tears and has to make a choice to either tell them or keep Riley's secret.

Riley whispers, "I don't want to be alive anymore."

Maya isn't conflicted anymore, Cory and Topanga heard that.

"Riley…" Riley turns to notice her parents and what's left of her heart, breaks.

Instinct kicks in and Riley bolts for her window but Maya acts faster and grabs her shoulders this time not to hurt Riley. Maya turns Riley so that she is facing her and looks into her eyes.

Maya pleads "Don't leave."

* * *

AN: So that's it, I've never written before, don't know what I'll do with it. It was intended to be a one shot but could possibly pick up from there, who knows?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Riley musters up the courage to look at her parents. Topanga is despondent but there's almost an anger in Cory's eyes. She ignores it as Maya pulls her back into an embrace.

Cory storms off into the living room and they all hear something smash, Topanga excuses herself to not upset Riley further. Cory is seething, surrounded by a smashed vase, fake dirt and a few scattered fake flowers. Topanga is appalled.

Topanga quietly yelled at Cory "What is wrong with you?"

"How could she be so selfish? Cory snaps back.

Topanga is now infuriated "Is that all you can think about?"

Both are still cautious enough to keep their argument to a dull roar so that Riley doesn't notice.

"Suicide for cowards, she was only thinking about herself. Did she ever think about us and how it would affect –

"Cory! Have you even thought about her and what she is going through?!"

"She didn't think about anyone else, what about Auggie?"

Topanga realized she wasn't going to get through to Cory, not yet at least "You stay away from Riley until you have calmed down, the last thing we need to do is get her more upset than she already is."

She stormed off before Cory could retort.

Topanga tiptoed back to Riley's room not to interrupt anything else. Maya was holding Riley until Topanga went over to the two and rubbed Riley's back. Riley flinched from the unfamiliar hand to only see her mother behind her. She was no longer crying but Topanga had never seen Riley so damaged, so shattered. She pulled Riley into her arms just for a few seconds before she asked some questions.

"Riley, what's wrong?

Riley took a breath and thought about what she can say to her mother. She didn't want to hurt her mother but she just didn't know what to say.

"I really don't know why I feel this way, I want it to stop!"

"Have you hurt yourself?" Riley knows Maya will tell so she slowly pulls up the sleeves of her sweater revealing about 30 gashes. Topanga puts her hands over her mouth to muffle her almost immediate cries, she has been a rock thus far but when she sees that Riley has already taken to hurting herself she can't help it.

She runs back out off Riley's room.

Without noticing Maya did the exact same thing as Topanga, Riley chases after her mother. She never wanted to hurt Topanga but she couldn't lie anymore.

She pulls down her sleeves and hugs her crying mother and whispers, "I'm so sorry."  
Riley wants to mean it but she doesn't, she isn't sorry. This cutting herself is her release. She doesn't understand it but she knows that she needs it.

Topanga starts to blame herself "No Riley, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know there was something wrong, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'll be there from now on I promise."

Riley held her mother closer but hated the thought that people would know now, they would check on her now, look at her wrists, and make sure she ate enough. they won't let her have the freedom she had previously. Riley was already scheming about how she can do anything else.

She might be able to add a few more slits tonight because they wouldn't notice anymore, would they think to check her thighs? With this newfound stress, she was willing to take the risk.

Topanga talks through her sobs again. "We can take you to a hospital or some sort of rehab institution."

Riley knows she doesn't want to get better, so she has to think on her feet.

"Mom, I don't know if I can be around people like that, like me… I think it'll make it worse." It was a decent excuse for only having a few seconds to think about it but Riley would have to elaborate.

Topanga looked defeated. She tries to reason with Riley "I don't know how to help you, we have to take you to someone who knows how. You can't leave us…"

"I won't do it, mom. Please don't make me go there, please." Riley is begging her mother and the tears come again.

"I will talk to your father about this."

Riley walked back to her room where Maya was waiting for her, she was sitting in the bay window but when Riley came in she stood up.

"I have to ask, is this about me and Lucas? Riley, you come first and if that's why then–"

Riley owed Maya the truth "I thought it was, but it wasn't. I was sad at first, then I didn't care but the sadness stayed. That sadness manifested itself into something serious and different like I've never experienced. It's here to stay whether you date Lucas or not."

Riley's face was as solid as stone; Maya's tears had never really stopped. "Riles, what can I do to help you?"

Maya reached out to grab Riley's hand and she hardened to Maya's touch.

"I don't have many answers, but I'm pretty sure you can't help me."

Topanga goes to Cory, he is mad but the fire in his eyes has simmered.

"We need to talk and take action with Riley, I know you're angry but we cannot let her do anything drastic. I think we need to admit her."

"Okay, I agree."

* * *

Maya slept over that night but after their stressful day, Maya slept like a rock. Riley couldn't sleep with the impending hospital stint hanging over her head. Her parents told her she was going by her own will or by force. Riley begged that she would get herself better but her parents loved her too much to take that risk. She just stormed into her room.

Riley slithered out of her bed not to disturb Maya. She had to do it; she had to feel the bite of the blade before she wouldn't be able to. She felt it on her wrists and tops of her thighs. This was a new high for Riley she had never lost this much blood before. She worshipped this feeling, it was right then that she realized she had no intention of getting better.

* * *

The next day Riley was admitted, against her will but she didn't want to be strapped down so she walked in herself. Cory had calmed down by now. Cory and Maya skipped school; Riley would be missing school until they thought she was better.

She wasn't going to give up her habits just because they made some people sad. Riley had convinced herself that the people she was around didn't love her anymore. It was crazy but it helped her cope.

She was in the psychiatric ward inside of a larger hospital right outside of New York City; her parents did their research and thought that this would the best for Riley.

She had her own insipid room with one window with bars over it. The room was four stories up so if she jumped out she might still survive. She wasn't that far gone yet, she still doubted whether she should commit suicide; there wasn't much she could do in here though.

There were individual sessions and they had group therapy. In group therapy, there were kids who had depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and schizophrenia. Riley wasn't forced to share because it was her first day. It was surprisingly like a school schedule, lunch was up next.

She grabbed her mystery meat with gravy on top and half frozen vegetables and sat alone. They gave the patients plastic utensils, like she hadn't already thought about using her knife to get some relief.

A young guy from group therapy came and sat across from her. He had intense big blue eyes, it reminded her of Maya. He had a slight tan and brown hair, a shade lighter than hers. His hair was combed through with a nice part in it but it was clearly grown out. He was attractive but she was cautious because they were still in a psych ward.

"You seem pretty normal, eating disorder?"

Riley was confused, "What?"

"What's your poison then, why are you here? Judging from how frail you are and your lack of eating that you're here for an eating disorder?"

"It's not that, this food just looks like shit." It was true.

He smiled; he had a smile that was almost contagious.

She smiled back and her curiosity struck "What are you here for mystery man, I hope it's something really dark."

"It was this or rehab, I thought this would be more interesting."

A nurse called out from behind them, "Maxwell Sinclair"

"Well that's me, nice to meet you …"

"Riley" She held out her hand to shake his.

Her wrist was now exposed and he saw.

"That's why, I'll be seeing you Riley

* * *

I didn't know if I'd continue it but I decided I would, for now at least. Tried to incorporate all reactions, sorry if it disappoints.

Disclaimer: I own nothing


	3. Chapter 3

When group therapy met again, Max sat next to Riley.

"Your secret is safe with me, until you're forced to share, of course."

"Thanks, Maxwell."

"Please, call me Max, Maxwell is my father, and my grandfather and great grandfather."

Riley laughed "So are you some sort of regal prince or something, you have to be with a name like that."

"No mam, just a normal Manhattan kid with pretentious parents who gave him the contemptible name Maxwell Henry Sinclair IV" Max smiled.

"Well, Max, will you be sharing today or do I have to wait to find out why you're here?"

"Why would I reveal the mystery so early, Miss…?"

"Matthews, Riley Matthews. That's it."

"Now that's a real human name."

Neither of them shared that session and after they had assigned alone time. Riley went to her room, it was only her first day and she was bored out of her mind. They gave them notebooks to journal their feelings, draw or whatever.

She wrote what they wanted to hear, about how she wanted to get better, and how she didn't know why she felt this way, at least the last part was true.

While she was writing, a male nurse came in to tell her it was her time for individual therapy. She feels so drained but she will try and put on her best face for Dr. Gallagher.

* * *

When Riley walked back to her room because she had some more free time, Max was laying down in her bed, reading her journal. Riley was too tired to fight, especially with whatever drug cocktail they gave her this morning.

"You look defeated Ms. Matthews."

"I am, just get out of my bed because I need to sleep."

Max gets up and signals for her to lie where he was. He hops up to sit on top of her desk, "Did you even ask what concoction they gave you?"

"Nope, didn't care really." Riley crashed onto her bed.

"Riley, I have it from your obviously bullshitted journal passage that you plan on working the system. I think you need my help." Max smirked.

Riley rolled her eyes "In exchange for what, King Maxwell?"

That made him laugh, she smiled back because she couldn't help it. His smile made her heart beat faster.

"I guess I shall explain myself, my parents thought that I had some deeper problem because of the choices I was making. A little drinking here and there and a few drugs now and then, I think they're being overdramatic. But time off from my stupid private high school is a good enough reason for me to come here. I'm taking my time with my 'treatment' so I've been here a little while. I can give you my expertise on how to navigate your way around here, get out as fast as possible, in exchange for whatever pills they make you take."

Riley was seriously considering it; she hated it here and wanted out. The pills she took today alone made her feel lifeless.

"And how would I get you these pills, they make you take any medication in front of them?"

"Slip them underneath your tongue, this place isn't as tough as their reviews online."

"How can I trust your expertise?"

"So many questions, Riley Matthews. I guess you'll have to take that chance, what do you possibly have to lose? Worst comes to worst, you get a new noble friend out of it all."

"Alright, Max. We've got a deal now let me take a nap before dinner."

"First lesson, naps are a no go. But since you're on medication and it's your first day I'll let it slide."

Max left her room with a small bow; he was a twisted little gentleman. Except he wasn't small at all, he was much taller than Riley.

* * *

Riley showed up late to dinner because she overslept. They gave her medication with her food, she had kept it underneath her tongue like Max had instructed and she sat next to him. She waited until no one was looking, and gave Max the three different pills they had given her.

He popped them into his mouth swiftly before anyone could notice.

"I believe this equates to three lessons, Riley Matthews. I do love that name, simple, sophisticated. It fits you." He smiled. She smiled. "First and foremost, your journal, they can seize those at any time and they will."

"So is there anything specific I should write or should I not write at all?"

"What you have written in there now, it's transparent. They have seen it before; they'll see it again. Write about how you're looking for direction and that you think you need help. You shouldn't come into a psych ward knowing what to do, it's unheard of unless you've been in one before…?"

Riley rolled her eyes at him "No, first and hopefully last visit. Let's get to your next piece of advice."

"There is a privilege system, when you are good, they reward you. When you are bad, they take away your privileges. For example, you can go to the gardens or have more time in the common rooms, field trips, being able to see your family, granted that's something you want. The doctors like to see you make strides with your family, a good old crying session, work on what you'll say now. You can also get dessert, it's not good, no rush to get that."

"What privileges do you have?"

"I've had all those, I've lost most. I can go to the gardens still and I have my own clothes now, that'll be your first privilege. Granted you don't beat someone in group therapy tomorrow, you should get the clothes your parents brought for you."

"Good to know, thank you Max." Riley shot the first smile this time.

"Don't forget your third lesson, take a bullshit therapy class. Art therapy, music therapy, animal therapy, family therapy, it shows you're taking some initiative. Choose one, maybe two of them and you should be alright. If you wanted to spend some more time with yours truly, I'd suggest music therapy." Max smirked and elbowed her playfully.

"Maybe you'll see me there, maybe not."

* * *

Riley thought about Max before bed that night, piecing together what she knew about him. He was obviously rich because of the private school, he couldn't be older than 18, she'd guess 16 or 17. He was educated, smart but he probably had some mental disorder he wasn't fully convinced of. His parents are alive but it doesn't seem like they have a great relationship. He had a problem with drinking and drugs, but how far did it go? The thought of him doing drugs turned her on.

She thought about his smirk, the way it made her feel weak. Those eyes made her lose her train of thought. She thought about his thin but muscular body and how much taller he was than her.

She wanted him. Not in the way she wanted Lucas. This was purely sexual, intense, desire. She wanted to cuddle and go on dates with Lucas. She wanted to fuck Max until her dainty bed broke.

Riley had never had sex, she kissed Lucas once and made out with Charlie a few times, he felt up her boobs. That was the extent of Riley's sex life but something about Max just drove her crazy. She would never let him know that. She isn't the same giddy nervous girl she was, she can keep her composure now but she needed him, and fast.

* * *

Hey guys, hope you like it, let me know what you think. I decided to not make it super depressing the whole time but I have more in mind if people actually wanted to read it. Also thinking about writing a session with her group or individual therapy, guess we'll see. Sorry if these chapters are short, I get distracted if they get long.

Disclaimer: I don't own girl meets world


	4. Chapter 4

**HIGH T**

* * *

The next morning Riley woke up and dragged herself out of bed. She waited in the breakfast line and gave the nurse her name and she was given a small cup of pills and a water to wash it down. She hid the pills yet again, got her breakfast and turned to find Max but he wasn't anywhere to be found. She spit up her pills into a napkin in hopes he'd come. He never showed. She put the pills in her pocket just in case.

She didn't have an individual therapy this morning, they had given her some time to hang out in the common room. She sat down at a table with a chess set on it, she listened to the girl who was playing the piano, she was good and there wasn't much to do alone. All of the sudden there a seductive whisper in her ear "Need an opponent?" It sent shivers through Riley's fragile body. Max had already sat across from her, smirking at the fact that he had rattled her.

Riley tried to regain her composure. "Hi, Max."

"You like the piano?"

"I do, I plan on asking Dr. Gallagher about music therapy."

"Riley, Riley, if you wanted to spend more time with me all you had to do is ask."

"Max, Max, if you want these pills you're going to have to cut the bullshit and help me."

"I like this feisty Riley."

"I need to do something reckless but I also need to get out of here. As you can see, I am very conflicted."

"Well, you can be one of those people who pinch or scratch themselves. But then people will think you're a meth addict. You can starve yourself but they already look out for that in depression patients, especially ones that are as thin as you are. You can start hitting yourself with stuff, but they don't give you things that could actually hurt." Max let off a small smile knowing this advice wasn't really good but he still wanted those pills.

Riley had thought of something wild to do. She would keep one of her pills and give the other two to Max. Eventually, she would have a decent stash of pills.

Max grinned and looked around before accepting and swallowing the pills. He never needed water; Riley wondered how long he'd been abusing pills for.

After talking for a bit, the two headed to group.

Dr. Moskowitz asked for Max to come up and talk today. Max didn't argue got up to where there was a small podium, and started.

"Hi, I'm Max. I've been here for 4 weeks now. I was diagnosed with BPD. For those of you who don't know that is borderline personality disorder. My parents suggested that I come here because of my behavior and mood swings. I didn't argue. What else do you want to know Doc?"

"Thank you Max, can you tell us of an instance where you had a mood swing or where your behavior would have been indicative of your BPD?"

"Sure, the last time I acted out before I came here. I was arrested at a bar because I was screaming at the bartender for fucking up my drink. Sorry, excuse my French. Either way, I punched a cop in the gut after he reached for my pockets. He put me in handcuffs and found some coke in my pocket. My lawyer dad got me out of all charges, don't know how he did it but he did. In exchange, I decided I wouldn't argue with him on this."

"Anything else you'd like to share in particular?"

"Not right now, thanks doc."

"Thanks Max, you may sit down."

Max sat down next to Riley. He whispered "How did I do?"

Riley whispered back to him as seductively as she could. "We are definitely going to help each other."

* * *

Riley was in her individual meeting with Dr. Gallagher.

"Hi Dr. Gallagher"

"Hello, Riley, take a seat. How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired but I feel like I've calmed down."

"Good that's your medication working, we've got you on a few anti depressants and an anti anxiety medication. With the information we've got from your parents and from you in our previous meetings, we can confidently diagnose you with major depression. With treatment and medication, it is a very manageable disorder. If you are willing to meet us halfway, we'll get there much faster, are you?"

"I want to not feel this way anymore, I want the help."

"That's great Riley. I feel as if you're doing better than when you first showed up, even though that was only a day ago. Because of your cooperation and good behavior you'll get the clothes your parents gave you."

"Thank you Dr. Gallagher."

"Now, I want to know how are you feeling with regards to self harm."

Riley reminded herself to not move too suspiciously fast. She tried to buy herself more time, "Can you be a little bit more specific?"

"Have you thought about doing while you were here?"

"Yesterday, yes." She decided to be semi-honest.

"I appreciate your honesty, why would you want to hurt yourself?"

Riley had looked up self-harm before she started doing it months ago, she remembered some of the reasons why but decided to choose the one she thougth she could identify with. "To feel something again."

* * *

At dinner that night, Max was there before Riley. Riley went through her normal routine and stashed one random pill for her hideaway. "The pills will be waiting for you in the utility closet, 5 minutes."

Riley walked back out and asked the nurse to be excused, he excused her.

Max followed suit 5 minutes later. He walked in and Riley was waiting for him.

"You want them? Come get them." With that she showed Max the pills in her mouth.

A smirk on his face, he inched forward until Riley grabbed his neck to pull him down to her. They kissed, impassioned and rapidly heating up. Max pulled his head back to swallow the pills he had retrieved. Quickly, he dipped his head back down and started to make out with her again. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him, his hands under her ass hoisting her up. He moved from her mouth to her neck, lightly biting it and she loved it. He pulled back and looked at her face and she gave him a face to let him know that she wanted him, all of him.

Mouth to mouth again, Max put down Riley and pushed down her baggy NYU sweats and then her underwear and he picked her back up again. Riley had her hands around Max's neck until one arm found his hips and she pulled down his black sweatpants. Once more, Max pulled back to make sure it was okay with Riley.

"Do it." Riley said with confidence.

He kissed her again and put her back against the wall and fucked her. He went back to her neck noticing how much she enjoyed it. Max looked down.

"Fuck Riley, you're bleeding."

"I don't care, keep going."

Max gave her a bewildering look but continued anyways, not slowing his fast pace.

Riley was in one of her pain induced highs, she loved the way it hurt but felt good at the same time. She loved the sight of her own blood. She loved the way that Max wasn't gentle, they weren't making love or any bullshit like that they were having sex, purely bodily sex.

With one final thrust, Riley lost whatever innocence she had left. She didn't care about the sentimental value of her virginity she needed this.

She found a towel in the closet, "Take this and clean yourself off and I'll leave after you. Meet you back at dinner."

Max cleaned himself and was about to leave until he turned back to Riley for one more intense kiss. "Thanks Matthews, I needed that."

* * *

So that's a first, let me know what you think haha

Disclaimer: still don't own GMW


	5. Chapter 5

"So Riley, family day is on Sunday. If you have lost track of the days, that's in two days"

"Is my family coming?" Riley tried to show a hopeful smile, but she didn't want to see them. She didn't want their pity or to talk about all of her bullshit feelings but she had to stick to her guns. Get in, get out.

"If you'd like them to, I can get in touch with them. But I have to warn you it will probably be an emotional experience, they will want to know why you did these things. They will ask questions you might not want to answer or don't have answers to. If you aren't ready, it can wait." Dr. Gallagher said.

Her and Max would definitely have to work on what she would say, how she would cry like they'd expect. Riley remembered Max's advice that family time is a good thing. "I'd love that, I miss them."

Riley was getting better at lying.

* * *

"Max, I have no idea how, I'll do this. I can fool the doctors because they don't know me as well as they think but my family knew me pretty well before all of this. They'll expect me to be that person again"

"Matthews, I think you're overreacting, they don't expect you to be back to normal. Eat your lunch, you look even thinner since you've gotten here, that isn't good."

"Sinclair, this food still tastes like shit, that isn't my fault."

Max threw Riley his infamous smile. "I think you need to de-stress."

Riley smiled back.

The two of them made their way out of lunch and had time to themselves. They had their own rooms but nurses could walk in at any time so they opted for the closet again. Max didn't care if they get caught he was in no rush to leave the hospital but he didn't want to jeopardize Riley's chances of getting out fast. This is where they'd usually go to the common room and hang out but this was of more interest to both of them.

They looked to make sure no one was in the hall before Max opened the closet door for Riley and walked in behind her. Max wasted no time grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her powerfully. His hands went up her shirt and he went to take if off.

"Wait," Riley pulled face away and Max pulled his hands from out under her shirt. "Before you do that you should be reminded that I still have a lot of cuts on my arms."

Max looked at her with a sense of sincerity "I'm not squeamish but I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable I just wanted to warn you." Riley then took initiative and took her own shirt off. Max studied her. She was even smaller than he imagined. He could see the small outline of her ribs, the cuts on her arms, most healing, some scarring. He noticed her hipbones slightly sticking out. She started to realize he was gazing at her.

Max wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. Riley slid her hands around Max's waist and under his elastic band and pushed his pants down. Max did the same to her, it was so much easier considering they wore sweatpants all the time.

He picked her up again. It was better that way, neither of them wanted to lay on a closet floor and she was under 100 lbs. by now.

He started right away because they wouldn't be alone for long, the hospital was pretty bad when it came down to it but they would eventually notice if two teenagers were missing.

He was trying not to hurt her.

"Harder" Riley demanded.

And that's when it dawned upon Max that she wanted this pain. He complied but he had almost felt bad about doing it.

Riley was being all but slammed against that closet wall while Max buried his head into her neck. Just when the two of them were about to reach their threshold, the janitor walked in.

"What the hell!" The janitor boomed.

Max was using his body to shield a butt naked Riley.

Max pleaded with the man. "Please, sir. Can we talk this out? I can help you but I need to make sure she isn't caught in the crossfire."

The janitor looked over to Riley who was scrambling to get her clothes back on. "Go."

Before she walked out she mouthed thank you to Max who just gave her a sincere smile in return.

She ran back to the common room and waited anxiously for Max. He was nowhere to be found and she couldn't keep Dr. Gallagher waiting any longer so she went to her appointment.

* * *

"Hello Riley, I have good news for you!"

"What is it, Dr. Gallagher?"

"Your family is coming on Sunday, we have your mom dad and your cousin Maya registered to come visit you."

Riley feigned a smile; it didn't shock her that they would sneak Maya in like that. She was family after all; Riley wondered what Maya was doing without her. She then wondered about Lucas, Farkle and even Zay. Did they make up an excuse for her?

"That's great, I'm excited to see them."  
"Well what happens is you guys meet in the common room and you have an hour with them there and if you are up to it, I'd like to have a therapy session with them."

Riley started to get nervous and asked Dr. Gallagher, "What would happen in that therapy session?"

"We would talk to your family, explain what's happening scientifically. We would discuss what happened that afternoon when your family found out about your disorder, and about your future and how they should … treat the situation."

"What does that mean?" There was a hint of annoyance in Riley's voice but she wouldn't let him get her mad, she had her life to get back to.

Dr. Gallagher watched his words carefully "There are things that trigger depressed patients, it's best to avoid them, if possible. Like no joking about suicide or anything insensitive like that."

"Ohhh, I get it." Riley tried to act like that answer sufficed, but it made her even more mad.

Between what just happened with Dr. Gallagher and what happened with the janitor, Riley really needed a release.

* * *

At dinner that night Riley sat waiting for Max to come. Obviously she didn't want to get him into trouble but then he walked in. An award winning smile on his face and a bounce in his step, Riley let out a breathe that had been caught in her throat since that janitor caught them. He slid onto the bench next to her

"Oh hey Matthews, fancy seeing you here."

"MAX, what happened?" Riley took his hand and put the pills in, but he noticed how long her hand lingered.

"I found myself a new best friend, he isn't going to tell on either of us." Max popped the pills into his mouth.

"What did you have to do?" Riley questioned

"Oh, relax, I handled it. When my family comes on Sunday, we will have worked this out. You will be involved in nothing."

"Your family is coming?" Max hasn't said much about them but he peaked Riley's curiosity.

Max said, "Yeah, the doctor basically ordered that I see them again it's been 3 weeks. We have my mom, dad, Ben and Pen."

"Pen?" Riley asked confusedly.

"Sorry, I forgot you didn't know about them. I have 2 younger siblings, they're twins. They are 14 and their names are Benjamin and Penelope. Ben is an amazing athlete; he has college offers already for lacrosse. My parents forget about Penelope but my god, she is the best artist I've ever seen. We go galleries and I sit there and think Penelope's work should be in here not this garbage."

Sometime in talking about his sister, Max had the largest grin Riley's seen yet.

"That's so cute." Riley said.

Max blushed, noticing how he was being a doting older brother.

"I'm sorry, I get carried away. She's like my best friend."

"I wish I had a sister." Riley thought of Maya and that stung.

"Do you have any brothers or are you the only one?"

"I have a little brother, he's only 7 but he's fun too. I also have an uncle who is like an older brother to me, he's only 18 though, the surprise baby. Now that I think about it, I might have also been a surprise baby. My parents were 21 when they had me."

"Tell me about them, your family." Max expressed real interest in what Riley had to say.

"Auggie, my younger brother is a cute little thing. I wonder what they told him, he's still so innocent so I'm sure they made something up. Josh, my uncle, has always been around. He looks up to my dad, there's also a little thing between him and my best friend Maya. Maya is like family. Oddly enough, she's also an amazing artist too, My Maya _Penelope_ Hart. She used to basically live at my house until she got a boyfriend. She spent less time around and began to stop coming, they are sneaking her in on Sunday saying she's my cousin. My mom and dad are best friends and really good parents. I have a good family."

It hurt to think about how good her life was and yet she wanted no part of it. She loved them even if she hated herself. Sometimes thinking about them would stop her thoughts because of how much it would hurt them but it didn't work anymore. Nothing made her stop feeling the way she did, even Max's attention.

"This Maya, do you think anything about her not being around set you off?"

Riley had thought about it a lot. "It could have been a factor or other things she did, but I wouldn't blame her. There's something wrong with me."

"Isn't there something wrong with us all?

* * *

Hey guys, I probably should have said this earlier but I don't think anyone should be hurting themselves or god forbid anything else, talk to someone, please. I will probably write about the family visit next. Let me know what you're thinking, any suggestions would be cool too, thanks guys!


	6. Chapter 6

"Riles!" Maya shrieked as she ran towards Riley.

Riley held out her arms for Maya to run in to, "Hi peaches." Riley smiled.

Maya hugged Riley with all her might until she realized how slight Riley was and she backed away not to hurt her. Riley's parents weren't far behind, of course they were the first people there.

Riley saw her mother first, her eyes like rockets set on Riley. Topanga wasn't as fierce as she usually was, maybe it was missing Riley or this place in general but Topanga had been off since she found out about Riley. Riley held out her arms for her mother who immediately noticed Riley's weight.

"Oh my gosh Riley, good thing I snuck in brownies." Topanga started but then smothered Riley in a hug.

"Hi mom, give me those brownies right now."

Riley really wasn't starving herself the food just sucked.

Then Riley turned to Cory, she hadn't said a word to him since before he saw her crying in Maya's arms. Riley didn't want to do it but she had to, so before they could say anything she pulled him into a hug, the longest out of the three. It was meant to show that there were no hard feelings even though there were, she was furious with him still and wanted nothing to do with him.

They all sat down at a table Topanga and Riley on side and Cory and Maya on the other side. Topanga grabbed Riley's hand and slipped the brownie in. Slyly Riley ate every bit of it.

Riley started "I'm sorry for what I put you guys through. I've had a lot of time to think in here and I know I hurt you but I didn't mean to and I will do whatever it takes to mend my relationships with all of you because you're the most important people in my life." Just like she had practiced with Max in the utility closet. Her stomach churned after that, almost like that lie physically hurt her but in that moment Max walked into the room leading his family. She looked up to him as an encouragement to keep going; Maya and Topanga noticed their moment, Cory did not. It became easier knowing that she can go to Max after this all and tell him the truth.

Topanga was the first to answer her "Riley you are the most important person to us, we want you to feel safe enough to talk to us. We want to understand and help you, but the doctor said we would get into it more so when we had a therapy session. How are you in here?"

Riley explained her daily routine "We have group and individual sessions, we just started music therapy the other day. I don't understand how it's supposed to help but it calms me. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, each worse than the next. I want real food again, I think Dr. Gallagher thinks I'm starving myself in some last attempt to harm myself. That brownie was heaven sent. They give us time in the common room too."

Maya asked, "Have you made any friends?" she nodded her head back towards Max and his family. They were a group of very beautiful people, Max looked like his dad, and the twins looked more like their mother. Max sat at the table so he was facing Riley, he smiled. An innocent smile but it made her heart race. Everyone around them noticed their second moment.

But Riley wouldn't tell her family she lost her virginity to that boy over there in a utility closet. "I talk to a few people but no one could even come close to replacing my Maya."

* * *

"Hi Dr. Gallagher, this is my mom Topanga, my cousin Maya and my dad Cory."

"Hello, I'm Dr. Gallagher, Riley's individual psychiatrist. Nice to meet you all." He shook hands with them all and everyone sat down. "I want to help you all be comfortable and most importantly we want to help Riley, she is making great progress. As I've said on the phone, we diagnosed her with major depression. She has been on a mix of anti depressants and an anti anxiety medication. She has calmed down and feelings aren't as severe anymore. Now logically we won't keep her here until they all stop because that takes too long but if everything goes good today and the rest of the week, Riley should be home sometime next week."

That hit Riley. She wanted to be able to cut again, but was there more than that for her outside of these walls? Was she ready for her parents constant watch on her or Maya always asking her if she was ok, was she in all that much of a rush anymore? Her lack of pain was making her antsy, she wanted her blade or Max right now but now she had to get through this session.

"Riley, are you alright? You're shaking." Topanga grabbed her hand and took her out of her thoughts, Riley flinched on accident but then grabbed her mother's hand as an apology.

"Sorry, just a bit nervous. But that's awesome I want to be in my own bed again." Then her thoughts ran away again, imaging herself in her bed except this time, Max was there. The thought freaked her out. He was her delight in this hospital but what about when she left?

Dr. Gallagher started, "That's okay Riley, we predict this sort of thing. In a very basic explanation, Riley has a chemical imbalance in her brain that causes her to feel sad. It was not anything anyone said or did that caused her depression. That being said, we have her on those medications to balance her neurotransmitters. I want to go over what happened that afternoon you all found out about Riley hurting herself. I've heard Riley explain it but how about you Maya, from what I hear you were the first to find out."

Maya was visibly nervous to talk about it but she did because she thought she was helping Riley. Riley didn't want to relive it. "Well, Riley was standoffish in school and not talking to us as much. I didn't spend as much time with her and I guess I didn't notice how she was dropping weight, smiling less, sleeping less. But then I asked Lucas if he thought anything was wrong with her once I started to notice."

Dr. Gallagher intruded "Now who is Lucas?"

Maya looked over to Riley, Maya was shocked she never mentioned Lucas, "Lucas is Maya's boyfriend." Riley glared back after informing Dr. Gallagher. She was mad Maya didn't fully notice Riley's problem on her own.

Maya started back up "Lucas said he didn't really notice but that I should check up on her to be safe, so I did. After school that day I went over to the Matthews and climbed through Riley's window like I always do. She was sitting in her bay window. She wasn't the Riley I knew, she looked like someone took away her sunshine."

Maya started to cry and Cory put his hand on her shoulder. Riley was furious at this point where if she doesn't scream at Maya, she will start crying. She takes Lucas and now her father won't talk to her but is helping Maya talk about her mental break. She didn't even notice that Riley was dead inside but Lucas did? Riley looked down at the ground until her anger took over and tears started to fall. She was sure the doctor was loving this.

"I asked her what was wrong and she was avoiding me so I grabbed her wrist before she walked away and she flinched and I put it together that she was cutting herself. She didn't deny it."

Maya was sobbing at this point. Riley hadn't seen her like this before that afternoon, not even when she talked about her father. Riley was now mad at Maya and felt bad for her at the same time, Max wasn't kidding when he said that there would be emotions she didn't even know about.

"There were so many cuts, I didn't know what could hurt her so much that cutting herself would make it better, it broke my heart, it still does. I'm scared she will fool you like she fooled us."

Riley had to interject before Maya blew her cover, "Peaches, he told you it was all science and as long as I'm taking my medication, I'll be okay. I won't feel that way, I don't feel that way!"

"Riles, I'm not convinced how can science explain how someone feels like that." There goes Maya thinking like an artist, science wouldn't cover it.

Dr. Gallagher budged in, "There is more than science, you're right Maya but that's something we will cover once you're done telling us the story."

Maya started back up again, "Riley didn't want me to tell anyone, and then she told me why she did it, because she was broken." Topanga eyes were clearly watering; she squeezed Riley's hand. "I asked her how long she was doing it and she said that she didn't want to be alive anymore."

Dr. Gallagher looked at the bunch of them, Riley looking at the ground crying, Maya sobbing into her hands while Cory rubbed her back and Topanga looked at Riley with tears burning into her eyes. "Riley how long have you been having suicidal thoughts?"

Riley defended herself, "I was never to the point where I would kill myself but it's like if a car were about to hit me… I don't know if I'd jump away."

"Mrs. Matthews, could you please tell us what happened from there on out?"

"We ran into Riley's room after we heard, what we presume was Riley falling to the floor in Maya's arms, we watched them and Riley said she didn't want to be alive anymore. I said her name and she saw that we were there, she ran for her window. Not to jump out, there's a balcony and a fire escape but Maya grabbed her before she could leave. Cory ran out and broke something and I ran after him to get him to calm down for Riley's sake."

Dr. Gallagher interjected, "Cory, why did you break something?"

Cory finally said something, "I was mad."

"Well, why were you mad?"

"Because she is selfish." Riley kept her head down, crying harder but staying quiet. She knew her mother was furious and she didn't want to be the reason her parents divorced. She didn't want to cause a fight.

"Do you realize, Mr. Matthews, that she has a disorder? She clearly has no intent to hurt anyone else but herself. Riley, how do you feel about this accusation from your father?"

"I think he has merit in saying that but it wasn't intentional, I just don't want to fight." That felt like the first fully truthful thing Riley had said in weeks.

"Even now, Mr. Matthews, she doesn't want to fight, don't you see any progress in her?" Dr. Gallagher said.

"She isn't the same girl who I raised." Riley finally looked over to her father who was in a dead stare aimed at Dr. Gallagher and Maya was looking to Riley, both girls were defeated at this point but Maya tried to reason with him.

"Cory, please. She will be if you give her time, help her." She was careful to keep her cover that he was her uncle. But then it started to dawn on Maya, she was almost replacing Riley in Cory's mind. She went over the Matthews even though Riley wasn't there, ate breakfast with them and asked about if they heard anything. Cory was always a father figure in her life but she was never once his daughter, until he thought he didn't have one anymore. "Riley, please show your dad you're still in there."

"I think I am, somewhere. You have to give me time, it took me a long time to lose myself and it will take me a long time to find myself but I will I promise!"

Dr. Gallagher said, "Riley, you have to do this for you, not your father, you realize that?"

"Of course, Dr. Gallagher, but these are the most important people to me. They shaped who I am and if they aren't happy neither am I. I love them but I want them to understand it will take time, I'm getting better, I'm not there yet."

"Mr. Matthews if you are not going to help Riley, I think it's best if you wait outside."

"I was thinking the same thing," he said. And with that Cory left. Riley faced Dr. Gallagher and Maya faced the door, and Topanga was mad, mad like Riley had never ever seen her mother.

Riley squeezed her mother's hand and smiled at her. "Give him time mom, I messed up a lot of things with my disorder but they will sort themselves out. I don't want you guys to fight, Auggie is still at home. Does he know where I am…" Riley had barely thought about Auggie, she didn't want him to know she was crazy, he was still so little.

"He thinks you're in Philadelphia with grandma and grandpa." Topanga ignored whatever else Riley had said.

"Mrs. Matthews, do you feel as if home is a safe place for Riley right now?" Dr. Gallagher asked.

"It will be, doctor, once Cory leaves."

* * *

So Topanga is gonna kick out Cory, let me know what you think will happen or what you think in general. Hope you guys like it!


	7. Chapter 7

Max roamed the halls, he would have guessed it was midnight by the looks out of the one window at the end of the desolate hall. But his new friend, the janitor told him that if he was interested, the night nurses and the night janitor's loyalty could also be bought, so that's what he did. He bought them out. Peaking in each room, he knew which hall Riley was in but he needed to make sure she was ok. He knew what Riley thought about their relationship, but Max was starting to think something else of it.

Finally he peaked into Riley's room. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking, vomit all over the floor. Max rushed in as soon as he saw that.

"Riley, what happened?"

Riley began to sob, and Max climbed onto her bed, avoiding the vomit. Max held her as she cried and then looked at the floor, there were pills in her vomit.

He pulled her face to look at him, "What did you take?"

"Max, I'm sorry I kept a pill each time I gave the two to you. I took them all right now."

"I'm not mad that you kept them from me! Matthews, I don't want you to die!"

Max hopped off the bed and draped Riley's arm around his neck and put his arm around her waist as he took her into the boy's bathroom. It was late and no one would be in here.

"Riley, I'm sorry," with that he stuck his fingers down her throat to make her vomit up the rest of the pills into the toilet.

While she threw up, Max got up quickly. "Wait here for just a second."

Max ran to the night janitor, "Hey, I'm Max."

The nighttime janitor said "Oh you're Max, I'm Greg, what can I do for you?"

"You see that open door down there? There's kind of a mess in there if you would be so kind as to clean it up. I'd really appreciate it."

"Of course boss," Greg answered. Max could get used to that.

Max sprinted back to Riley who was still sitting on the floor, he held her hair back with one hand and rubbed her back with the other. "I know you're already so small to begin with but you are not going to overdose while I'm here." He stuck his fingers down her throat again. She threw up all she possibly could.

"Riley, can you hear me? You're all sweaty, do you want to shower?"

"I don't think I can even stand on my own right now."

"I can help you, completely platonically of course."

"Can you… please?"

"You got it, Matthews."

Max picked her up, draped her arm over his shoulder again and started the water. He took off her shirt and then her pajama pants, and went to put her under the water.

"Max, I don't want to be in a wet bra and underwear. It's not like you haven't seen it before."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't care. But you better take off your shirt, you might get wet." Riley sounded tipsy when she talked because she still had pills in her system, she didn't even know what they were.

Max took off his shirt and threw it off to the side. Riley had never seen him shirtless; she hoped she would remember it. Max then took off Riley's bra and then grabbed her hips to take off her underwear. She was shaking, he didn't know if she was cold or the pills.

When he got her underwear to the ground and she was to step put, she started to fall on top of Max but he caught her, she wasn't doing very good. She was so tiny and barely eating, Max doubted Riley had ever taken pills before but he didn't know. He was her friend and didn't want to get her in trouble so he did his best to get her better.

"Riley, do you want to get your hair wet?"

"No, I have a hairband in my pants pocket I think."

Max leaned her against the wall, got the hair band and put her hair in a bun on top of her head.

"Ok, let's do this Matthews." She was still having trouble standing on her own but Max was doing his best to help her. Luckily they had one of those detachable shower heads so that made it easier but she was frequently grabbing him for support and got him soaked. He didn't care.

"Riley, I forgot a towel, can you sit down and I'll run and grab one." She obeyed and sat down on the cold tiles with his help lowering her.

Max showed back up with a towel and wrapped her up in it. He was rubbing the towel over her attempting to warm her up. He looked at her and gave a smile.

"I'd kiss you but I was throwing up like 15 minutes ago."

Max took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. "Speaking of that lets do what we can about that"

He stood up and held out his hands for her grab, he pulled her up, dressed her and brought her to the sink.

"Finger out" Max commanded. Riley stuck out her finger and Max put toothpaste on it, "Brush."

Max stood behind her and held her hips and they looked at each other through the mirror. "You probably won't remember this Riley, but I want you to live, I wish you'd know that."

"But what if I don't want to live, Max…"

"Well then we will have to find you a reason to live, if I am not enough of a reason, what about Auggie is it?" Max smiled. He had to literally hold Riley up as her knees went weak.

"Can we pick up this conversation tomorrow, I can't even stand on my own."

"Yeah let's get you into bed."

Max picked up his shirt and brought Riley into her clean room and put her into her bed, tucked her and kissed her on the forehead.

"Max, can you stay …"

"Of course, Matthews." He hopped up on her desk

"Are you kidding me? You thought that was what I meant?"

"I didn't want to be presumptuous, are you sure?"

"Yes." Riley patted behind her so that Max would be the big spoon. He climbed over her and cuddled her shaking body. She turned and burrowed her head into his chest and immediately fell asleep. He didn't. The sound of her breathing was something Max worshipped at this point, he had been through people getting too drunk, overdosing but none had worried him as much as Riley.

He didn't even know Riley, how old was she, where does she live, what was she into, did she have a boyfriend? He looked down at her. They were in a psych ward, could there even be anything between them? Max knew he was conflicted, he wanted Riley to do what she wants because happy seems out of the question but he also wants her around in his arms like she was right now. His thoughts finally drifted off and he was asleep.

* * *

"Kid, are you Max? Wake up," it was the nighttime nurse. "I'm about to be off shift and if you haven't paid those nurses I suggest you get back to your room."

"Thank you so much, mam." Max climbed back over Riley carefully not to wake her, he looked down to make sure she was breathing. She was.

Max slithered back into his room and into his bed.

* * *

The day shift janitor saw Max as he got out of his individual session. "Hey," he called for Max and signaled that he come over. "Your brother pulled through for us, I gave the other janitor and night nurses their share and I got what you wanted, don't be stupid." The janitor looked out for other people and handed Max a very sharp blade.

"Thanks man, I really appreciate what you guys are doing for me, I won't forget it." Max slipped the blade into his pocket.

Would he still give Riley the blade after last night, he knew she did what she did as a release but what if she used it to kill herself, Max would never be able to live with himself.

* * *

At dinner that night "Can you come to my room tonight, please?" Riley grabbed Max's hand and put three pills in this time, purposely holding his hand until he answered her.

"Yes, don't skip dinner, please eat something"

"I'll take this but I am gonna nap until then, wake me up whenever you can come, I'll do my best to explain myself and thank you." Riley picked up her apple and went back to her room.

* * *

Max crept his head in her room, a much better sight this time. An apple core on her desk and there she was was. Riley was so peaceful cuddled up in her bed. He wanted her to stay like that, warm, unbothered her own thoughts, and peaceful. He knelt by her bed and gently woke her up. "Riley, it's Max."

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him. "I'm so sorry about yesterday, I never wanted to put you in that position and I'm really happy you were there, from what I can remember at least."

"Why did you do that Riley? You might be able to fool me like you fool them but I hope you know that I'm here for you, and it wouldn't help anything if you lied to me." Max's eyes were soft and iridescent even in the dark.

Riley couldn't lie to him, he saw Riley at her most vulnerable point in her life. She was stripped, falling over, crying, and throwing up and yet here Max was, at her side and wants to help her. She sat up and patted her bed for him to sit, she turned to him and sat Indian style. "If I tell you, you won't go running, will you?"

"Never"

Riley started telling Max, "I can try to explain how I feel or why I feel that way. I can tell you that I feel like I'm drowning, or that I feel dead inside. I can tell you I hate myself and expect others to do the same. And that my thoughts kill me more than my blade does. My mind is screaming at me, you aren't good enough, no one will care if you die so just do it. I didn't listen until yesterday, that's when I wanted to take the matter into my own hands. I wanted to kill myself, I tried to kill myself."

"Riley, I know I'm just some kid in a psych ward you met but I know you're worth keeping alive. I may not know your favorite color, or what your best memory ever was but I want to know. I want you to be here to tell me, everything about you. I want to help you. I'm not asking you to change, I just want you, alive."

"I don't know if that's what I want anymore, to be alive…"

"I'm going to be selfish, I want that. I want you alive and I will keep saying it until you get it. Fuck all the people who ever made you feel this way –"

Riley interrupted "I made myself feel this way."

"Well then fuck you Riley's mind, you're being a dick." Riley finally laughed she was never crying but she looked devastated. "I don't know much, I won't tell you everything will be okay because I don't know that it will be. Just don't leave."

Riley grabbed Max's face in her hands and looked into his eyes, truly looking. Not just the stunning blue in his eyes but seeing the hurt in them, how they were bloodshot from lack of sleep and how they were glossy because there were tears in them. He was really beautiful, his face, his soul, all of it. She kissed him, slow and innocent, pulling back she looked again, a glimpse of happiness went over his face and into his eyes.

Max turned his body so that his legs weren't hanging off the side and he sat Indian style facing her. He placed his hands on her thighs and she climbed into his lap and put her arms around his neck, he held her hips as she kissed him. Not quick and rushed like they had been before, they had time but Max wanted Riley to know she was more than a quickie in a janitor's closet and this was the best he could do.

He took the hem of her shirt and lifted it over her head. She took off his shirt and leaned into him further until he was about to lie down on the bed. He moved his legs and he was laying on bottom while she had her hands on the bed, holding herself over him, her legs on each side of him. Max leaned up towards her mouth, loving the way she kissed, how soft her lips were, it was romantic unlike the fast pace rough sex they were used to. He moved his arm behind her back and flipped her so that she was underneath him.

As he hovered his body over her he kissed her neck remembering how crazy it made her. He lifted himself one hand on the bed holding himself up, the other hand ran through his hair to push it out of his face. "You're really beautiful Riley, in case you didn't know." Before she could be coy and say stop or no I'm not, Max's mouth was on hers. He carefully trailed his hands and took off her clothes. She followed his lead and was gentler than usual.

The two of them were now totally stripped, emotionally, physically, naked. "You sure?"

"Wait a second," Riley positioned herself back on top "you always do the work, now I am."

Riley grinded on Max for a few seconds before the real part. She was slow because she had never done the work, Max always fucked her against a wall. There was a comfortable silence between them until muffled groans filled the room and they reached their height.

Riley lifted herself off of Max and he moved over and held out his arms out for her to burrow herself into. There was a newfound connection between them, their mouths, their bodies, their hearts?

"Max, don't leave."

"Never, Matthews."

Had Riley fallen for the boy in the psych ward?

* * *

So that's all for now, let me know what you think! Suggestions welcome :)


	8. Chapter 8

"Today, from the group, I'd like to hear from Riley."

"You got this Matthews," Max whispered in Riley's ear. He'd done it so many times before in group and their late night rendezvous but it still made her feel weak, that and the lack of food and sleep.

Riley stood up to the podium, "Hello, I'm Riley. I've been here since last Tuesday, so a week exactly. I was diagnosed with major depression. I wasn't forced to be here but I was caught hurting myself. It was my cousin and my parents who found out about it, seeing them in so much pain made me realize the severity of the state I was in. I came here the next morning. I realized I didn't want to hurt them anymore but I also don't want to hurt myself anymore."

Max watched as she played them all, dignified and well spoken, not overly emotional. She had this in the palm of her hand, they clapped for her when she said she didn't want to hurt herself anymore.

"Being here is something I needed, I needed to talk it out with professionals, I needed time off, I needed to be away from my responsibilities. But I feel like I'm ready to back to my life outside of these walls."

Dr. Moskowitz said, "I think you are too Riley, I'm glad to see you're improving! How did you do with your family here on Sunday?"

Max noticed Riley get nervous quickly but then she covered it up just as fast. "Well, it was emotional to say the least, and it hurt. It breaks my heart to know I hurt them. I'd missed them, I still do. We had an individual session and I think some things that had to be said, were said and we're much better off now."

"I'm happy to hear that, you can sit down now if you'd like."

"Thank you Dr. Moskowitz."

Riley sat down next to Max and he looked at her and said, "I'm going to miss you when you leave." She held his hand, no excuse or reason, she just wanted to do it.

* * *

Max and Riley were laying in her bed after they had sex that night. She was on her stomach and her head on his chest, but she picked it up to look up at Max. "Why don't we ever talk about you?"

Max chose his words wisely, "I am not as intriguing as you, but I'll let you know whatever you want. What do you want to know?"

"Give me the rundown, Sinclair. I want to know it all."

"Ok, ok. I am Max Sinclair, I am 17. I am currently in a psych ward but when I'm not, I go to Columbia Grammar & Prep. I am one of three kids, there are the twins, Ben and Pen. Pen is my best friend, I also have another best friend from school who I miss dearly, his name is Hunter. I tried lacrosse, I wasn't terrible. I'm probably going to go to college, I don't have one in mind but I'll study business and probably take over Sinclair Co."

"Get deep, I want to know your secrets, you know more about me than I know about you."

Max proposed something, "For everything you tell me, I'll tell you something. The deeper you get, the deeper I get."

Riley contemplated the offer, "Deal."

Max started, "Since I set up the deal, I will go first. The first time I drank, I was 12."

"I was 13." Riley had been left alone for the night, Maya had plans with Lucas so she got dangerously drunk on her own. "It was the first night I cut myself."

Max didn't answer, he read Riley's face, she was going to say more.

"I don't remember much because I got very drunk very fast, alone. I remember making one cut but then I woke up and they lined my arms, nothing deep but it stung. I hadn't even worn a long sleeve shirt to bed. And then Maya climbed through my window, she's always done that, it wasn't weird. But she never noticed, I kept my arms underneath the bed until I asked her to throw me a sweatshirt. She was too busy talking about how her and Lucas had gotten to second base last night. She didn't notice how I had blood in my eyes from my hangover and the fact that I woke up, looked at my arms and cried so insanely hard for 30 minutes before she showed up. She didn't notice how I flinched whenever I moved at all. She didn't even notice when I got up to throw up mid conversation, she thought I was peeing. That was when I didn't feel worth it…"

"Riley, I have something, but I'm scared to give it to you."

"Max, I've had your dick before but is that all you're thinking about right now?"

"Oh my god, no!" Max blushed, "I have a gift that isn't my dick but you have to promise me, you won't kill yourself."

"I can't promise that I won't ever kill myself but I can temporarily, I won't kill myself in here. What do you have?"

Max pulled the blade out of his pocket and handed it to Riley. He said nothing.

"How did you get this?"

"Janitor that caught us fucking gave it to me."

Riley hugged Max and whispered, "Thank you."

Riley asked, "Max, if I get out soon, will I ever see you again?"

"Maybe sometime in the future, you'll be in a café writing a book, because everything you do is beautiful, your writings will follow suit. And I'll walk in, like the big business asshole who talks on his cell phone the whole time. Until I see you, I'll stop and sit across from you doing nothing but staring, taking it how well time has treated you and how I didn't think you could get anymore beautiful. I'll see you in real sunlight unlike this place; I'll inevitably fall for you. You might have a boyfriend and I'll be a forever bachelor, but you changed me now, so you'll change me then. It will be tumultuous at first, because I screw up relationships but it'll all make sense, and we will be alright, you and me."

"I've changed you?" Riley questioned.

"You have, part of my BPD is that I have destructive relationships but ever since you came around I've calmed down, my family sees the difference, my doctor does too. That isn't some deep-rooted ploy to keep you here to make me better, but yeah, you've changed me, for the better. You'll be out of here before me, but who knows, maybe I'll get out sooner than expected. But if our time is limited, I'll tell you another secret, I lie about the reason I'm in here. That happened, but it isn't why I'm in here. I had one of my mood swings and I was drunk and I put my fist through a ton of Penelope's paintings. I was trying to make a point to my parents, yelling at them that they didn't care enough about her and her paintings and that I might as well. My reasoning was terrible. She walked in and saw what I did and bawled her eyes out. That was the day I told my parents there was something wrong with me and that I had to do something. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal to anyone else and it makes me look weak, so I tell the other reason instead."

"Max, that doesn't make you look weak. That makes you look like a real genuine person, you're relationship with your sister was that important to you that you've been in here a month, to work on yourself. I think you should tell that, it will help you help yourself."

"Thanks, maybe I will. You're up."

Riley contemplated whether to tell Max but she did, "You took my virginity in that closet."

"Wait seriously? I just thought I earned my red wings. You deserved better than a janitor's closet, I'm sorry Riley."

"It's fine, you didn't know and I don't regret it at all." Riley answered.

"I vow that if we ever see each other outside of these hospital walls that I'll make it up to you. It will be romantic and cheesy and you'll hate it but I'll love it and you'll put up with it because you like seeing me happy." Max smiled, Riley smiled.

"I actually do like seeing you happy," Riley admitted.

* * *

"As part of our session today, I want you to imagine you're telling a group of people about your depression, what it's like, how you feel. Whatever you feel comfortable saying just say to me." Dr. Gallagher said.

"Okay, I'd start by saying it isn't as glamorous as it is portrayed. It isn't going out and getting drunk all the time or doing drugs to forget about it. It's hard and it comes when you're alone, you wake up early in the morning and your thoughts are the only ones awake with you. So they talk to you and you try to get them to stop but they won't. You get sad and cry yourself to sleep, you don't get out of bed; you don't do the things you used to love to do because it's too much work. 'Sorry I can't come out, me and my thoughts are busy doing absolutely nothing tonight!' You sleep different, you eat different, everything is different. But then it stops, you don't cry and you pull yourself out of bed. And then it seems like you're numb. You go through the motions and some people might not even notice you're only the body of someone they once knew. Your circumstances aren't different anymore, you are different. And you'll realize that you desperately want to feel again, because you feel nothing so you'll cut like the celebrities and the pretty girls in the movies. It isn't enough, it is science that makes you feel like this. It isn't that you failed a test or your parents are divorcing, it's biology. Your neurotransmitters don't work, it's chemistry. I beg that if you or anyone else you know might have depression, get help. Depression is terrible but it could get better, I promise that." Riley cried a single tear, not on purpose but she related to what she had said.

"That was wonderfully said Riley. I've already talked to your mother and with the improvement we've seen, you are scheduled to go home on Friday."

"This Friday? Like in two days Friday?"

"Yes, do you feel like you aren't ready?"

"No, I'm ready! I'm just surprised, I'm very excited to get back to my life!" Lie.

* * *

Sorry about the wait, it isn't the longest or strongest chapter but I wanted to get something out there. Let me know what you think, suggestions, etc. I like to see them. Thanks for reading and I hope to have another chapter up soon!


	9. Chapter 9

"Max, I leave tomorrow morning."

"I'm proud of you, you did it. You're getting out." Max smiled but it didn't have it's notorious glow, she could tell it was a façade.

"We only have tonight …"

"I don't trust the world out there, I don't want it to hurt you." Max admitted.

"I'm a little scared, Max. I don't know if I want to leave anymore."

Max asked, "Do you want treatment?"

"No, not really I just don't want to go back to Greenwich and live my real life. They're gonna be up my ass checking my arms, my weight, me in general. I wanted them to notice a long time ago, no one did. I stopped looking for someone to care when they stopped caring about me. It's like I was standing on the edge of a well ready to jump down and everyone walked by and said nothing but now that I fell in everyone is reaching down trying to help but I'm trapped and they can't reach me anymore. I can hear their words and see their hands but they ignored me then why won't they ignore me now. I want to be alone in my well. I want to feel my pain."

"Riley, you can stay here. You just have to say you don't think you're ready to leave yet."

Riley admitted, "I think the only reason I'd stay is because of you…"

"Don't stay because of me, I want you to do what you want to do." He wanted her to stay so desperately but she would always come before him, what she wanted came first.

"I want to be out I think. My sadness has become a part of me and I sound like an asshole when I say it but I almost love it, the depressing music, shutting people out, the pain. Maybe it's a coping method because it wasn't going away so maybe I learned to love the hand I was dealt. I'm numb to all things but I don't want to romanticize my depression because it really fucks with me. I can brush off the sad situations with a swipe of my blade but then I remember those rare moments when Maya would let down her walls and she would sing in front of me. It was my favorite sound and now it's just a dismal hum in the background. I can't listen and love it the way that I used to, something about me can't grasp it. I just feel dead."

"Do you want to feel alive?" Max asked

"No, I guess not"

"Riley," Max started "are you going to kill yourself?"

Riley thought about it, "I honestly don't know anymore."

He looked into her eyes, hoping they would say something that he couldn't.

"Max, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. I don't know what would have happened to me if you didn't come talk to me that Tuesday in lunch. I might have overdosed in my room, I might not be getting out tomorrow. You're just a really beautiful person and I hope you get out soon. Don't change too much more I l-like this Max."

"I l-like this Riley Matthews but I could do without having to worry about having to see your obituary."

And just like that Riley fell asleep in Max's arms for the last time.

* * *

Max was woken up early by the nighttime nurse and Riley woke up alone. A nurse came into her room to warn her that her mother would be here within the hour and to pack up her belongings. She put her clothes into the duffle bag and then her journal and then hid Max's blade. It might be risky but she wants it with her, a part of him with her.

It had been 10 days since Riley swung through those doors. She had a hollowing feeling, knowing once she left the hospital, she'd be worse than when she came in. Max was her sanity, her anchor and now she would drown again. Odds are the two would never see each other again, she didn't know where to find him and he didn't know where to find her. He might be in that psych ward for a long time and she might not live to see tomorrow. But she had some hope, hope is for suckers but she couldn't help it.

Riley greeted her mother and hugged her, said some bullshit like she's happy to be going home. Topanga told her Maya was waiting in their car and that she had some pastries from Topanga's in there too. And so Riley faced those fateful doors, a limited freedom on one side and a long desolate hallway on the other, an easy choice right? Until she looked down that hallway one last time, and there he was, sitting on the floor back to the wall, hair falling everywhere, blood in his eyes and a brokenness she thought she only possessed.

If this were a movie she'd run back and kiss him for everyone to see but this wasn't. It was real life in a very real psych ward with two fucked up kids. So she broke their eye contact, his big blue eyes never leaving her thin frame. And she left, never turning back.

When Max watched Riley leave and those doors swing behind her, he stood, nothing in his mind. He walked back into his room feeling as empty as a person can get and took out his journal from so long ago and wrote:

 _Watching Riley Matthews was like watching a storm, I watched her loom over us all. I watched because there's something so beautiful about when lighting strikes and thunder roars. But then the rain came and I didn't want her to fall apart like that. She wanted to fall apart and wreak havoc upon herself. I wanted her all together but there is some higher power that controls her, not me and it broke my heart. I think that every time I see the rain fall or hear the thunder roar or see the beauty in anything, I'll think of her. I'll think of how mind-numbingly gorgeous she was. She couldn't look into the mirror and see what I saw. She couldn't hear a marvelous song or watch a sun set with sincere appreciation. So I will. I will appreciate beauty because Riley Matthews couldn't._

 _I love her, I don't know what that entails or what will happen next but I want whatever it is. I want her if I ever see her again. She was like a maze and I'm the line running through it, alone we are complicated and insane but together, we fit in the oddest way possible._

* * *

Sorry it's short and I don't know if I'll do anything else with this story, might just end it here. Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

So I had a bunch of stuff to do so I decided to write instead. Guess I'm not stopping it yet haha, enjoy. Also if I made grammatical errors let me know, thanks

* * *

"Maya, I'll be fine. Other people will be there! My mom is letting me, why won't you?"

It was Friday, and they were at lunch at John Quincy Adams High School. Riley had been back since Monday and the excuse that she had been with her grandparents held up pretty well. They thought her parents sent her off because of her behavior, which she didn't mind in comparison to the truth that she was in a hospital.

"Your mom doesn't know there will be drinking at this party. Please stay in, we can watch movies and stuff." Maya pleaded.

Maya had been watching Riley like a hawk for the past week but Lucas and Zay came over to the table and Riley couldn't have been more thankful for it.

Riley asked them, "Are you guys coming to Charlie's party tonight?"

"A party? Count me in!" Zay countered.

"I was thinking about it." Lucas answered

Maya chimed in, "Well, it's settled we will all go to Charlie's party."

* * *

Maya and Riley got ready together at Riley's apartment. Riley wore a loose, flowy purple dress and a big black cardigan and booties. Maya wore a blouse and a black skirt with nice boots.

"Please don't drink too much, Riley."

"Okay, Maya." The buzzer rang and it was Lucas and Zay, they were really saving Riley today. "Let's go, the boys are here."

* * *

Lucas had some idea about Riley having problems but as far as Riley was concerned, Lucas didn't know the half of it. So he felt some obligation to watch out for Riley too.

As soon as they got inside Riley took Zay by the hand and dashed over to the beer pong table in the kitchen, Maya and Lucas barely drank and watched from afar. Riley was drinking fast but it was light beer so it didn't do much. Riley had noticed Zay was missing and she looked over to Maya and Lucas, her back was to the wall and he towered over her kissing her. Knowing how much Maya despised PDA, she knew that it would end very soon and she had to act fast. She slithered out of the main party and down the hall to Charlie's room. She had been here before when they used to make out in eighth grade so she knew where it was. She was hoping to find something fun but she mostly wanted Maya's eyes off of her. She peaked in and saw Zay and Charlie taking shots of cheap vodka.

"Well, well what do we have here?" Riley laughed as she said closing the door behind her.

"Would you like some?" Charlie held out the bottle for her to take and take she did. One heavy swig and when they expected her to hand it back, she took another big swig. She then handed it back and sat down on the bed next to Charlie. Zay was on the floor sitting against the dresser, they handed the bottle around, laughing, guessing who would hook up tonight. Zay excused himself as he felt confident enough now to talk to Sarah, the girl from their class. Riley followed behind him and when she looked like she was going to leave, she just went to lock the door and turned back around to Charlie. Charlie smiled but said nothing. Riley held out her hand for Charlie to hand her the bottle, he complied.

Maya was slithering through the people at the party frantically looking for Riley calling her even though Riley purposely let her phone die. She found Zay "Zay! Do you know where Riley is?"

"She was just behind me." Zay turned in a circle to look for her.

"Where were you guys?"

"Charlie's room"

Maya felt her stomach drop, she ran down the hall and checked one room, bathroom. Some dude was peeing but she didn't care. She opened one bedroom, empty and then she tried to open another door, it was locked. She knocked and knocked until Riley answered. She only cracked the door and she kept her distance so that Maya couldn't smell the vodka on her breath.

"Riley, what are you doing?"

"Hanging out with Charlie, we're just gonna make out a little, I still have to have one of my vices." Riley's honesty should have been a give away that she was fairly drunk.

Maya understood somewhat, "Promise?"

One of Riley's hand slithered behind her back as she crossed her fingers, "promise."

Charlie had a big grin on his face and Maya glared at him until he stopped.

"Come find me when you're done, Riles."

With that Riley closed the door, locked it again and shut off the lights. She couldn't have Charlie see the remnants of what were on her wrists but more importantly the insane number of cuts that lined her ribs and stomach made from the blade Max gave her. And then she thought about him again, like the countless times she had this week. But she shook the thought and moved back to bed where Charlie was sitting on the edge of. She sat on his lap and kissed him powerfully. Not like the gentle making out they were used to. She made all of the moves, presuming he had never done this before. From what little she could see of his face throughout he looked ecstatic but also very shocked. He knew better than to question any of this.

He motioned to take off her dress but she took his hand away.

"I'm sorry Riley."

"No, it's fine. I've got a few body image issues, but we can still have fun." She stood up off of him, slid off her underwear. She stumbled a bit not noticing how drunk she was, but he couldn't see it, it was too dark He was laying down, clearly aroused so there would be no need to waste time. She climbed back on top of him and they got to business, she unzipped his jeans and was about to direct him.

"Wait Riley, I don't have a condom."

"Just tell me when you're about to finish and I'll get off."

"Ok"

And so they fucked, it didn't last more than five minutes. She wasn't surprised, it just made her think of Max, how he seemed to fit so well and there was something almost awkward about having sex with Charlie. At least Charlie pulled out in time, it was a close call. She thought about how Max never did, it didn't worry her though. She was supposed to have her period in a week anyways. She stood up and found her underwear. She stumbled again and then she left Charlie without saying a word and went back to the beer pong table and partied again.

Being drunk reminded Riley of the happy girl she was in middle school. She joined Zay who was playing pong with Sarah against some random kids, she was taking a celebrity shot when Maya found her.

"Hey Riles, are you okay?"

Riley heard Maya behind her so she tried to regain her composure. "Hey Maya!"

"God damnit Riley!" Maya noticed.

This time Riley pulled Maya aside, being really drunk, she decided to be somewhat honest with Maya. "Maya, being drunk is making me happy, it's one of the few things that does anymore. I haven't developed a drinking problem because I drank one night. You know me, this is the first time I've done it. Please just don't yell at me, I don't think I can take it."

"Riley, why won't you just talk to me about this?"

"Last time I talked to someone about this, I had to stop talking to them and it hurt." She thought about him, how it felt to fall asleep on his chest, hear his heart beat.

"Are you talking about Charlie? What did you guys do?"

"No, it's not Charlie. It's not important, Maya."

"When have I ever abandoned you, Riles?" Riley heard Maya's voice crack.

"I'm happy right now, and you're ruining it. I promise I'll tell you everything you want to know tomorrow just let me enjoy tonight."

Riley realized just how drunk she was and that she would: forget it, regret it or both. So she walked away because talking about her feelings wasn't going to happen. This drinking was a release for her but now that Maya made her think about cutting again. This was not good. Maya was staying over her house tonight, hopefully Riley would just sleep through the night.

After having fun with Zay and the other kids in her class, Lucas and Zay walked the girls home. Riley went inside and gave Maya and Lucas a moment while Zay just turned around. Riley peaked into her mother's room to let her know she was home and that Maya was staying over, it was 11:00. Riley got changed into a long sleeve tee shirt and shorts. She threw Maya some clothes and the two got into bed.

"We're talking tomorrow just so you know, about everything."

"Okay." Time to put her lying skills to the test.

* * *

"So I woke up to a text from Lucas. He says Zay told him that Charlie told Zay you guys had sex, that isn't true, right?"

 _Game face_ Riley thought to herself. She did remember parts of having sex with Charlie but after that total blackout. "I'm depressed but not enough so to give it up to Charlie Gardener. Don't insult me like that."

Maya laughed and texted back Lucas that it wasn't true.

Riley was eager to change the subject "Speaking of which, have you and Lucas yet?" Riley really didn't want to hear about it but getting Maya to talk about herself would keep the topic off of Riley.

"No, not yet but I'm thinking about it."

"What's holding you back?" Riley asked.

"I'm scared Riles that he'll leave me after."

"Maya, you know Lucas would never."

"We're going on a date tonight and my mom took a night shift and won't be home all night but I don't know."

Riley didn't want Maya to lose it just because Riley didn't want to talk about her feelings or lack there of, but she really didn't want to talk about anything. "Don't do anything you aren't ready for, but you know Lucas well enough that he wouldn't leave you."

"Maybe, I'll think about it." Maya answered.

Riley got up to go to the bathroom and when she came back Maya was still sitting in her bed.

"Can I see your arms?"

Riley looked Maya in the eye.

"I'm not doing it anymore, do you not trust me?"

"I think I do but can you please show me, I'm just scared I'll miss it again. That I will miss the signs and that you'll be all alone." Riley said nothing but lifted up her sleeves, there were some that scarred a bit but mostly it had cleared up by now. Maya looked, she was both happy that she stopped by sad to be reminded that Riley had ever done it in the first place.

"Thank you, and I'm proud of you. You told me last night that we can talk about everything today, can we still?"

"Fire away" Riley didn't remember but she didn't want to let Maya know how drunk she was.

"So Lucas keeps texting me about me about this Charlie thing, he said you guys had sex and is giving details to Zay like how you did it with your dress on–"

Riley was furious "I told you we didn't do it. You not trusting me is becoming really fucking annoying and tell Lucas and Zay to mind their own fucking business. You saw my wrists, I could have gotten naked for him if I fucking wanted to but I didn't. Do you want me get butt naked, go over to a gynecologist and test my hymen! You were my best friend, why can't you believe me?"

"… were?"

"I'm going to take a shower, do what you want."

Riley ran back into her bathroom, started the shower and found the blade hidden in her bathroom drawers pulled up her shirt and slashed. There were so many cuts that she was reopening old cuts every time, she couldn't avoid it. This made it hurt all the more, blood trickled down her ribcage that was now noticeable. She stepped under the steaming hot water "Fuck!" Riley yelled, Maya definitely heard if she was still here but chose to ignore because Riley was already mad at her. The blood made her white shower tiles turn red. Riley stayed in the shower until the tiles turned white again. She took a special black washcloth and wiped off her stomach of any remaining blood and changed back into her tee shirt and shorts. She hoped Maya left but she knew Maya, she was waiting outside that door for her. If Maya had left, Riley would have had the apartment to herself and Maya wouldn't let that happen until she felt comfortable.

Maya stood up as soon as Riley got out of the shower. "I'm sorry, I just love you so much and it's hard to look out for you when the thing that makes you feel bad is inside your head, I wanted to say that before I go."

"Wait, peaches, you don't have to go if you don't want to. We can watch that movie if you wanted, talk about you for a change…"  
"I'd love that, pumpkin."


	11. Chapter 11

For further reference, the texts are as follows: **Josh is bold** , _Maya is in italics_ , and Riley is underlined. Enjoy!

* * *

Monday morning rolled around and Riley had to say something to Charlie. They had some time before class and Riley spotted him across the hall and he grinned at her like Charlie Gardener does. She walked fast and pulled him aside, not too private, close enough that people could see them but far enough that people couldn't hear them.

"Hey Charlie, can you like stop talking about Friday? Our business is our business. Not that I'm ashamed of you or anything I just don't want people to talk about me." Riley said it in her most sophisticated way.

"Of course, I'm sorry Riley." His smile faltered

"No problem." Riley smiled cordially and walked back to Maya, thankfully Maya didn't ask any questions.

* * *

Riley and Maya had their class together and their teacher Mr. Rollins received a call during class.

"Riley Matthews, your uncle is here to pick you up."

Riley was confused and a little worried and was it Eric or Josh, why would they be here considering she hasn't talked to Cory since family day at the hospital? Maya looked over to Riley also confused and Riley shrugged her shoulders like she didn't know why he was here. Riley picked up her stuff and went anyways.

She headed for the office and there he was, Max. He stopped her in her tracks, the women in the office noticed so Max noticed.

"A little surprised to see your Uncle Josh for a change?" Max filled in for her.

"Hey Josh," she hugged him.

"Your mom was working so I'm here to take you to the dentist." Max smiled but struggled not to laugh.

"Okay, are we good to go then?" Riley asked

The woman from the office looked a little skeptical but they didn't pay those women enough to care. "Yes, will you be coming back after your appointment?"

Max looked to Riley, she answered this time, "no."

Once they left the office, she gave him a real hug. "I am so unbelievably happy to see you."

"Ditto, Matthews" He hugged her back hard just short of hurting her.

"Let's go, we're going to be late for my dentist appointment." He smiled, she missed it so much. Seeing him with colors reflecting off of him and his new facial hair. It drove her crazy again, she thought the feeling from being drunk compared to seeing him but it didn't.

They rounded the corner to the last stretch of hallway before the exit. Maya.

"Where are you going? Who is this?" Maya was puzzled but angry.

Max recognized Maya from family day, he looked around to see if anyone else was in the hall. There was no one so he wouldn't lie and say Josh. "Hi, I'm Max." He tried his best to be charming but Maya was like Riley's protector and his name wasn't even close to being good enough for her to let Riley go. She glared and barely acknowledged him.

"We're going to hang out, Maya. I'll be fine, you told me you trust me and I'm not going to break that trust."

"I trust you, I don't trust him." Maya spat.

Riley started to get defensive, "You don't even know him."

Max faced Riley and grabbed her shoulder "I don't want to cause a problem, if you don't want to go, that's okay." Riley noticed Max's fake smile again like when she told him she was getting out, she wasn't going to do this to him again.

She looked into his big blue eyes, "No, I want to go with you, wherever." She then redirected her attention to Maya, "Trust me enough to know that I will make the right decision."

Maya blurted out, "I don't trust you!"

Riley paused, "Well then there will be no consequence for leaving." Riley took Max's hand and started to walk past Maya.

"Riley, I'll call your dad."

"Good! Let him know I don't fucking care about him."

And the doors swung open for both of them. Daylight gave the false sense that Riley was full of light, she was darker than ever until Max came.

"I knew it was a long shot trying to find you by the name of the high school on those sweats you wore three times but it was all I had and if you want this to be a short lived hospital fling and that's all then I will take you home but I hope you–"

Riley stopped his blubbering by smashing her lips onto his, she needed him. His soft lips against the grain of his beard, it was even better than she had remembered.

"I got us a car, Matthews. I was hoping we could hit up a coffee shop, grab some caffeine and walk through central park. Fresh air is something I'm not used to again yet, nothing smells like a hospital here and I love it. But if you don't want that, I'll follow you anywhere."

"Sounds lovely, Sinclair" Riley said ecstatically.

"Also I am not being presumptuous but I got a hotel room for later, I'm having a party with a few friends tonight if you'd like to come."

"I'd love to." Riley blushed.

* * *

Maya had resorted to texting Josh, he lived in New York now that he went to NYU.

 _Josh, can I trust you not to tell your brother something?_

 **Yeah, I think so unless someone's in real danger. Why, what's up?**

 _Josh you have to promise, I don't want Riley to hate me._

 **OK, fine I promise. Now will you tell me what it is?**

 _Riley just left school with some random kid who posed as you, saying Topanga had her go for an appointment and I tried to ask her not to go and she still went and I'm scared. He looked older than us, well dressed, attractive guy but she has never told me anything about him._

And then it dawned on Maya; it was the boy from the psych ward, the boy that Riley had a moment with in Belleview Hospital.

The situation now seemed direr now that she knew.

 _OMG, she's with a guy from Belleview, JOSH WE HAVE TO FIND HER_

 **Maya what are you talking about, what's Belleview?**

Oh no, they never told Josh about Riley's trip to the hospital and Maya just blew it but she needed to talk to someone about it and she trusted Josh over Lucas in this situation. He was Riley's uncle and he loved her.

 _Can you just meet me please? I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it were important_.

 **Okay, how about I meet you on campus after my class, I get out in twenty minutes?**

 _Sounds good, thanks Josh_

So Maya left school and took the subway to NYU and met Josh.

* * *

"Maya!" Josh yelled across campus and he jogged to her. "What's happening to Riley?"

"Riley was in a hospital, she was depressed and she was hurting herself. When we went to visit her on family day I caught her and this kid smiling at each other, he was a patient too. She never said anything about him when she got out but he came to school and said he was her uncle and that she had an appointment and they left. I tried to get her to stay because I didn't remember him at first he was dressed different and he has facial hair now but Josh I'm scared for her. She's self destructive."

"Riley was in the hospital? Why didn't you call my brother?"

"We caught her cutting herself and Cory didn't want to talk to her, he blamed her for being selfish and he doesn't live with them now. Josh I've tried calling her once, can you please? I think I've outdone myself. I told her I didn't trust her in hopes that she wouldn't leave with him but she did."

"Okay, I'll text her because she's supposed to be in school and she might catch on that I know."

 **Hey Riley, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today, it's the only day I have free before finals start and I miss my niece.**

Hey Josh, I'm in school right now and I'm going to Maya's tonight, can we meet up after your finals though? 

"So she answered, she lied but still seems okay. Maya, what happened to her, why did she hurt herself?"

Josh looked hopeless, Maya had only ever seen him happy just like Riley, they had the same smile. A smile Maya would kill to see on either of them right now.

"I wish I knew, I would do anything for her to be happy again but she isn't and that hospital stint only made her stop cutting her wrists."

"Does this have anything to do with this Lucas kid, I'll fucking kill him." Josh got angry just thinking about it.

Maya realized Josh didn't know that Maya and Lucas were a thing.

"Me and Lucas date now, I don't think that's it…"

Josh was furious now. "You really don't? She was crazy for him and then you two date and all of the sudden she's upset and no one notices until she starts cutting herself. Just go back to school Maya, I'll figure this out."

"She told me she was okay with it –"

"Of course she did, she'd do anything to make you happy. I wish you did the same." Josh walked away from Maya.

Maya started to regret everything: the campfire, their first kiss, telling Riley about everything, and the worst part, the fact that she had lost her virginity to him on Saturday. Maya was alone and started to cry. She loved Lucas but she loved Riley more and Riley's life was something that was in jeopardy now, not by that boy's hands but by her own hands. Maya went back to school to not worry anybody, she just got up and left lying about going to the bathroom, she'd get detention but it was best to go back.

* * *

Riley had expected this outing with Max to get awkward after a while but it didn't it was like they picked up right where they left off.

"So you're out, how'd you do it?" Riley asked.

Max smiled and said "I told you, you changed me. I'm calmer they noticed and they saw me fit to leave. I feel better about it all. Maybe being off those pills you gave me helped too. Did you start taking yours?"

"No, still the same Matthews, didn't try to overdose though. Thought about it a lot, Maya's a fucking pain in my ass and I know it's because she loves me but I just want to push her away in the gentlest way possible. She's still my peaches."

"I get it, I hope I can help blow off some steam." Max took her hand to stop her from walking and faced her towards him, he took her face in his hands. "I'm here for you, always. You know that right?" Riley nodded, he kissed her softly and took her hand as they walked the rest of the way.

"Max?"

"What's up?"

"I love that you're being all adorable but all I can think about is that hotel room."

"Then that's where we're going."

* * *

Josh went to one of his tech savvy friends at school to try and get him to track down Riley's phone.

"Dan, can you do me a huge favor?"

"Depends what it is" Dan was reluctant but intrigued.

"My niece has gone off the rails a little bit and is sort of missing, can you track her phone if I give you the number? I'm worried for her." Josh was very concerned, he thought they might have some suicide pact together.

"Oh yeah, that's no problem just give me her number."

Josh complied and it took Dan all of five minutes to figure out where she was, these computer science majors.

"She is at the Waldorf, not too far away."

"Thank you man, I owe you."

* * *

Riley walked into the suite Max had gotten for them, it was huge. The two shed their winter clothes. She was wearing a big sweater and a skirt while Max was wearing a plaid button up and jeans. Rose petals led up to the bedroom where there was champagne and chocolate covered strawberries waiting for them.

"Max, this is so cheesy."

"I know it is, I told you it would be you're lucky though. I had so much more in mind like hiring a mariachi band and a private chef to cook whatever you wanted."

Riley laughed and sat down on the bed, Max sat next to her. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer and she winced slightly. He noticed.

"So you haven't stopped have you?" Max was slightly upset.

"No…" Riley said as if she was disappointed in herself for making Max sad.

Max said nothing, stood in front of her and took the hem of her sweater, she didn't move her arms to let him take it off but eventually she lifted her arms over her head. He stared at her cuts, there were so many of them, they lined her ribs, he saw her protruding hipbones. He didn't think it was ugly, it just looked painful. He wanted to take her pain away but Max was still silent, he set her sweater down on the nearby chair and sat down next to her again. Riley was silent too.

"I'm sorry, Riley."

Riley looked to Max, puzzled. "What do you have to be sorry about? I did this to myself."

He looked at the floor. "I'm sorry that you feel this way and I'm sorry that you have so much pain that I can't figure how to take away. I'm sorry I don't fully understand what's wrong. I'm just really genuinely sorry."

"You don't get it, do you? You being here helps me, you not trying to change me helps me. You looking at me like I mean something helps me. You, knowing about me being broken but still going out of your way to be here for me, means the world to me. I wish you'd believe it."

Max picked his head up and smiled. He gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. Riley smiled back at him. He moved back and laid down on the California king bed and Riley climbed over him and sat on his hips, he rested his hands on her hips. Being with Max gave Riley a new found confidence, that they could just sit like that and not have it be awkward, it was just comfortable. But Riley missed him in more than one way so she put her hands on each side of his head and kissed him powerfully, unbuttoning his shirt while doing so. His hands found her bra and unclasped it and then up her skirt. They had all the time they wanted to, they could be as loud as they wanted to be. There were no nurses to worry about, no parents.

Max was gentle with Riley, taking his time, drinking everything in. Riley caught on that this wasn't going to be animalistic by any means. This time, they didn't fuck but they had passionate sex.

Riley fell asleep after but Max was a little antsy so he left a note for her that he was going for a quick walk, he left his number just in case. Riley woke up and saw the note, she texted her mother that she was with Maya and asked if it was okay to sleep over. Her mother said it was okay. Riley felt an obligation to tell Maya that she was okay.

Hi, I just want to let you know I'm okay. I can't be inside my own head right now and he helps me in a way that you can't. I love you peaches.

 _Please let me know if you aren't okay, I'll come get you wherever. I love you pumpkin, see you at school tomorrow?_

Yes you will.

Riley decided to open the champagne and then looked at the clock: 4:57.

* * *

Maya met up with Lucas, she thought she had to let him in on everything.

"Riley is falling apart, I don't know why she is, but I have a feeling it was set off by us."

"So, do you want for both of us to talk to her?" Lucas answered.

"No, Lucas…I think we should break up."

"No, Maya, no. Please don't do this, what is you being sad going to do for her?" Lucas said sadly.

"You know that her happiness goes before mine, she's my best friend." Maya said sincerely.

Lucas was pleading now "Is this about Saturday, we don't have to do it again. Please, don't do this, I love you."

"Lucas, I'm sorry." Maya walked away as she was crying, she loved Lucas but Riley needed her right now.

"Maya, wait!" She didn't turn around.

* * *

Josh took a cab to the Waldorf, so this kid she was with had money. He was finding the good where he could, at least they weren't slumming it in some alley or something. Josh sat in the lobby, stopping every good looking, well-dressed man with any facial hair and asking them if they knew this girl. With no avail, Josh was starting to give up until he asked some kid who fit the profile, he'd guess he was 20 or so. "Have you seen this girl?" The man across from him hesitated.

"Nah man, sorry." The man went to the front desk and then the elevator.

Josh went up to the desk after him, "Can you tell me that man's name by any chance?"

The woman at the desk said "Sorry I can't, we have a privacy policy."

"That's okay thank you," so Josh sat and waited to see if Riley would come down with the mystery man. In the meantime he texted Maya:

 **I'm sorry about what I said before, she obviously has a problem and you not being with Lucas wouldn't fix anything. I found out that she's at the Waldorf hotel. I'm sitting in the lobby waiting to see if she will come down. Saw some kid in a blueish plaid shirt who seemed like he knew her but said he didn't.**

Maya answered:

 _Broke up with Lucas, a little too late Josh. Riley texted me saying she was okay. The kid was wearing a blue plaid shirt underneath a fancy pea coat. I'd come keep you company but I don't think I can right now._

Josh felt terrible that they broke up because he said that.

 **I'm sorry Maya, you should talk to Lucas and blame me.**

 _You were right, this could be hurting her. Let me know if you see her._

 **Will do.**

* * *

"Riley I don't want to worry you but there's some young dude in the lobby looking for you."

"How do you know that?"

"He came up to me and asked if I knew this girl and held up a picture of you. I lied but you might want to go see whoever it is."

"I texted my mom that I was staying over Maya's house so she isn't suspicious and I texted Maya saying I was okay. I guess I'll go look around, is there anything I can disguise myself in?"

Max laughed and handed over his scarf and sunglasses.

Riley put them on and in her best British accent said "I shall be back."

Riley looked around the lobby and spotted him, Uncle Josh?

* * *

So it wasn't a wonderfully written chapter but suggestions/ reviews welcome! Also telling me about my grammatical errors is really helpful too because I feel like I made a few but can't find them lol


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey Matthews, who was it? Did they buy that disguise?"

Riley dashed toward the bottle of champagne and chugged it. "It was my real Uncle Josh, do I go with him? He didn't see me but he's just going to wait down there and ask more people about me. Maybe I will go see him, he will take me home and then I sneak back out for your party tonight? Or I can try to convince him I'm fine and let me stay and we can pregame for this party. Or I can just leave him there? Max, help me!"

"Relax, I can send my car to your house to wait for you until you're ready and then you come back and we hang out then. That is if you want to do that, you can just stay here too." Max offered.

"Let's send the car, Josh will totally ruin the mood if I think about him lurking down there but how do I handle it? Should I be like fancy meeting you here or do I just assume he knows and then just go with him –"

Max was laughing, he'd never seen Riley ramble like she was right now. "Just say something like you needed a couple hours off and that you're okay. Tell him as much of the truth as you can, he will appreciate it."

"Okay, Okay." Riley reached up to peck Max on the lips and took the bottle to her mouth once more before going back downstairs.

Riley slowly sauntered over to her uncle and he ran towards her and hugged her.

"Hi Josh"

"What did you do, Riley?" Josh released her from his hug and looked her up and down to see if anything had happened to her, she was smaller than he remembered her, a little exhausted looking but he still held hope that his little niece Riley was still there.

"Nothing, can we just go home?" Riley countered.

"Did he do something to you?" Josh questioned again.

"No." Riley was only above a whisper, she didn't want to attract attention to herself because she planned on being back in the hotel.

"I'm sorry Riley," Josh took her hand and lifted up her sleeve, there were only remnants of cuts now, some scars and he looked to her face. She looked him in the eye, dejected, sad that Maya had told him about that.

She just pulled down her sleeve and walked past him toward the subway, he followed close behind her and realized she was upset. He had no idea what to say to her to make anything better.

When they got onto the subway, Josh sat next to Riley who just looked down at the floor, he decided he would text Maya.

 **She finally came down, taking her home now. No new cuts on her wrist, she won't talk to me since I asked to see.**

"Riley, do you know what you're doing to Maya?" Josh asked.

Riley picked up her head and there was anger in here eyes directed towards Josh, "Nope, why don't you tell me?"

"She's breaking, she broke up with Lucas, she's missing her best friend, we need you back."

Riley's anger broke her. "Are you fucking kidding me Josh? You find out I want to kill myself and you're worried about how Maya feels? I told her before that her and Lucas dating was fine and I meant it. What the fuck did you say to her? You had no idea that there was anything wrong with me until Maya told you about it. You're just like my fucking dad. He cared about what I did to Auggie and him and you care about what I did to Maya and you. The two of you, just leave me alone. I was happy with Max, I can talk to him honestly and he actually cares about what I have to say. You took me away from him just lurking in the lobby like a creep. When we get to my house, you leave me alone and I mean it. No coming inside, no talking to my mother because she doesn't want anything to do with any of the Matthews, don't text me and don't talk to my father about me either because you weren't supposed to know. Talk to Maya if you want, I don't care. And I will talk to her but my business is my fucking business, not yours."

"You _want_ to kill yourself?" Josh caught that.

"Wanted, you know what I mean. I'm not totally cured, obviously." The subway doors opened up and saved Riley. "This is my stop I can go from here."

"No, I will walk you the whole way. I'll keep my distance but I'm making sure you get home." Josh said.

They didn't talk there was a five minute walk spent in silence. Once they got to her apartment, Josh turned to talk to her and she said nothing, didn't face him, and walked inside. She went into her apartment, and yelled out to Topanga.

"Hey mom, I'm grabbing some clothes and heading back over to Maya's!"

No answer. It was 6 o'clock so her mother must have still been working. So she quickly gathered some clothes to sleep in and clothes for tomorrow and headed out the door. Riley had texted Max the address while on the way out of the hotel. His car was waiting for her.

"Excuse me sir, would you be able to stop by my friends house quickly. I just need to see if she is okay." Riley asked.

"Of course, Mr. Sinclair said to do whatever you want to so your wish is my command." The driver answered.

"Here's her address." Riley showed her phone and he drove there, no other questions asked.

Riley walked up to the apartment and buzzed she was let up and knocked on the apartment door.

Maya opened the door, hair messed up, eyes bloodshot. Riley immediately smothered Maya in a hug. Maya didn't reciprocate at first until she did. When they separated Maya went to her couch to sit down and Riley followed.

"You know I didn't want this to happen. You and Lucas are meant to be together. He made you happy and I want you to be happy Maya, it's all I've ever wanted for you." Riley meant it.

"I can't even take that chance, you are my best friend. You are my home, not this building or this couch or this room, it's you and if Lucas even caused the slightest rift in our friendship I won't take that chance."

"But he didn't, you were happy with him and my problems are completely unrelated to Lucas." Riley hesitated but she had to have Maya believe her that Lucas wasn't the problem. "I am getting better with Max's help, the guy from today …" Riley didn't know what to call Max but she wanted Maya to know she was not into Lucas. "I have to ask Maya, did you end up having sex with him?"

Maya looked Riley in the eye and started to sob again. Riley pulled her back into her arms having the answer to the question. Riley tried to comfort Maya. "It's going to be okay, this is only a bump in the road, you can talk to Lucas and tell him that Josh fucked everything up and that I want you both to be happy." Maya sat back up.

Maya finally said something. "Maybe I will but I think I need to be alone right now and we will talk about that boy of yours, he's cute but I do not trust him yet."

"Okay Maya, let me know if you need me. I love you, peaches."

Maya smiled "Love ya pumpkin"

Riley left Maya's and went back down to the car.

"Thank you for waiting sir, can we go to the Waldorf now?"

"Of course mam"

"We in the clear Matthews?"

"We are Maxwell, let's start the party."

"How about I mix some drinks?"

"Please do." Riley smiled.

Max started making them drinks, Riley asked him "So where do your friends think you were?"

"Rehab, they aren't the most thoughtful bunch to have a big Monday night party after I supposedly got clean but they're my friends and they'll do."

Riley laughed "So if they ask did we meet in rehab? What's my poison?"

"I am your poison Matthews." He handed her his concoction and kissed her hard. He held up his drink for them to cheers "To us, recovering addicts."

Riley laughed "To us."

Riley was finishing up getting ready and walked into the bathroom where Max was presumably also getting ready. Riley looked over to Max, his head was just above the sink and he held a rolled hundred-dollar bill in between his nose and the sink with a disappearing line of white at the end of the bill. Max was doing coke.

"Sup Sinclair?"

Max whipped his head back. "Oh god, I don't wanna scare you away. I don't do it a lot. Just a little bit." Riley smiled at him and he held out the rolled up bill as to ask her if she wanted some. "Do you want some?"

* * *

So that's it for now sorry it's short but WILL RILEY DO IT? PM me suggestions because I am running out and sorry it took me a while, happy new years!


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys so last time I got some reviews on how this was unrealistic, it's obviously not meant to be. I don't do intensive research because I do this for fun also I'm not going to write anything remotely close to what's on the show because the show already covers it. I know Riley would never be like this, duh. This shit I write is never ever going to be on the show or even like the characters at all, especially this chapter. Also sorry it's been so long. I had no idea what to do with the story and I'm not sure lol. Don't be mean in the comments plz. Let me know if I make grammatical errors. This chapter will be rated M, the whole story should be rated that too but oh well.**

Recollection of the night was shaky at best, she remembered denying Max's drugs but she drank quite a bit and could have went back on her initial denial. The alarm she had set on her phone went off, she expected the noise to sound like death but Riley woke up still drunk, a blessing and a curse. She woke up in Max's arms, surprisingly there were no kids around the hotel like she had expected. Those kids probably had their parents cars come pick them up.

Riley slithered out of Max's grasp, careful to not wake him up. She gathered her stuff, showered and changed into what clothes she brought for school, she threw on sunglasses to hide her booze eyes. She didn't like being that cliché but it was 7 AM and she was drunk and didn't want to cause a scene walking into school. People have done it before, it was high school in New York City, kids drank all the time but it was never expected from Riley. She wasn't sure what her friends besides Maya knew about her current situation but she'd never bring it up.

She walked through the halls with the occasional stumble. She wasn't belligerently drunk strolling through the lockers but she had most definitely not slept it off, she had alcohol and maybe other substances in her system. Riley was spotted by her first friend, Zay. He waved her over so she went over to him.

"Hey Riley, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just dreading school today. I barely slept last night." She took off her sunglasses. Riley thought it would at least cover her ass with Zay, he wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive fashion. Riley laughed it off "Ew Zay, no. I have to get my stuff from my locker, I'll see you later on." With that, Riley walked away and convinced herself that she had gotten past Zay, the easiest person to fool albeit but it was a small step.

Riley got to her first period class with Farkle and immediately put her head down on her desk. Maya might have said something to Farkle but he didn't seem concerned about her so she assumed Maya opted out of telling Farkle, Lucas is a different story.

"Tired?" Farkle asked and laughed.

Riley just swatted her hand as a sign to leave her alone and that was it. She tried to sleep through first period but the spins hit and she felt slightly nauseous, slightly drunk. Her next class was with Maya and she had to pull her shit together and fast.

If Riley looked rough, Maya looked worse. She was wearing big sweatpants and a sweatshirt to school, sure those were those kids who did that frequently but Maya was never one of them. Her eyes were bloodshot and barely staying open. Maya's eyes had always been windows to her soul but if they were any indication of how she was taking this break up, it was not good.

The two messes of best friends sat down at their seats with a lingering, uncomfortable silence but neither dared to break it.

Maya skipped lunch to go to the art room, Lucas went to the school's track, Farkle stayed in the library so Zay and Riley sat alone, small talk here and there but Riley left early to go to the library, everything was so loud and she was very sensitive to smell now that it was a full blown hangover.

School had ended without anyone catching on that Riley was hungover and they were all packing up their things when Riley caught Maya and Lucas making eye contact. There was sadness in her glassy eyes and anger in his sultry stare. Riley had to intervene, she was the reason they broke up even though she didn't want that to happen. She chose to walk to Maya.

"Hey peaches, want to grab a coffee at Topangas? My treat"

Maya was hesitant but only said "Okay."

The walk to Topanga's was silent until Riley spoke up "Do you want to talk about it yet? I am here for you, you know that, right?"

"Are you really here for me though?" Maya seriously questioned.

"Of course I am Maya, I am sorry. I need to tell you everything you need to know. You are my best friend and I don't want my problems to be yours but you deserve to know what you want to know so let's pick up coffee and go to my bay window."

Maya let the smallest smile slip and agreed.

* * *

"So what do you want to tell me, Riles?"

"Everything, that is if you want to know it…" Riley looked at Maya for confirmation.

"I do" Maya answered.

"Okay so I'll start with the Belleview, that's where I met Max and he knows about my depression, he has BPD, borderline personality disorder. He helped me navigate the whole place and he was my only friend in there." Riley stopped and Maya sensed her hesitation.

"What happened with him, he didn't hurt you right?" Maya asked.

Riley scoffed "Oh god no! I, well, I made a move and enticed him into the janitor's closet and I had sex with him."

"You what?" Maya was shocked but giggled at the same time.

"It was sort of crazy I know but I initiated everything and he was always so nice and always was helping me, he isn't a bad guy. He got me to do extra therapy sessions and stuff like that but he's someone I can talk to candidly about everything because when I talked about hurting myself he didn't run or try to change me he just listened. I don't expect you to do that and I love that you care about me but it's just so different with him."

"Okay, I understand, so what happened yesterday?" Maya asked.

Riley was appreciating Maya's kindness and open mindedness about the whole situation.

"We went around central park, talked, did cheesy things like that and for the sake of total honesty had sex in his hotel suite. He got the suite because he was having a party before he had to go back to school, he goes to Columbia Prep, he's a senior there and 17 years old. He doesn't know I'm fourteen but soon I'll be 15 so no big deal. Anyways, That's beside the point. He was in Belleview for a while and now he wanted to hang out with his friends and drink…can I be really honest with you, Maya?"

"I want you to be Riley."

"I drank a lot and I have no idea what I did, drinking silences the voices for a while so I drink a lot while I can. Also at Charlie's party, I had sex with him, it was weird and I don't want to do it again." Riley left out the cuts on herself and about the drugs, she possibly may or may not have taken.

"I am really happy you told me this, you know I won't tell any of this I promise." Maya thought about that and realized how much easier it would be now that her and Lucas were no longer talking.

Riley didn't know whether to bring it up or not but she decided she should try "Maya, do you want to talk about Lucas? If not it's okay but I just want you to know I am really over it. I like Max a lot and I don't know what will happen with him but I do not want to be with Lucas and I want you to be happy. Josh was just really wrong about everything."

"I believe you that you don't want to be with him, I really do but I should have never done that in the first place, been with him." Maya answered candidly.

"You should because you like each other and you both deserve to be happy."

"I think he hates me now Riley, it's okay I can be by myself for a while, plus, I have my best friend with me." Maya let off a weak smile.

"Of course you do" Riley put her arm around Maya's shoulder and pulled her closer to her "but why not have us both? Does this have anything to do with the fact that you guys had sex? Did something happen?"

"No that wasn't it, I mean it was a little awkward but nothing that I would break up with him over."

"Maya, is there something else you want to tell me?" Riley asked.

"No, I was a terrible friend to you by starting a relationship with him, I love him but I love you more."

"You know I want you to be happy and whenever you want to tell me anything, I'm here for you."

"Thank you Riles, for everything today."

* * *

"Would Missy Bradford even want us there?" Maya questioned

"Maya, Riley, would I lie to you guys? She doesn't care who goes! It's a party." Zay proclaimed.

"Whad'ya thinkin?" Riley asked Maya.

"I could use the stress relief, count me in." Maya answered. Zay and Maya turned to Riley eagerly.

"Okay, okay I will go too." Riley answered.

"Awesome, text you ladies tonight!" And with that Zay left.

"It's a Friday night and we need to have some fun, even if Lucas goes there too. Where will your boy toy be, will we ever formally meet?" Maya asked.

Riley and Max had been texting throughout the week and even had sex in his driver's back seat yesterday, with the divider up of course. She asked him about what had happened the night of his party but like her, he had no recollection.

"I wasn't going to invite him, he has a lot of work to catch up on." It was sort of true but Riley was scared if he hung out with a bunch of freshman he wouldn't like her anymore.

"Well think about it!" The bell rang separating the best friends and they went to their separate classes.

* * *

Maya and Riley were getting ready at Maya's for a change. Katy was working late so they had a chance to pregame before the party without an adult around. Maya chose a dress while Riley chose another big sweater and a skirt. She hadn't cut since Max came back into her life but the cuts were there and they aren't healing as fast as they used to, pink slashes that never seem to clear up line her body.

"Take a shot Maya, you could use it." Riley looked over to Maya who was caking on make up underneath her eyes trying to cover up the evidence of her break up.

Maya didn't need convincing, she held out her hand for Riley to hand her a shot. She took it back fast and held it out again, Riley went to take the glass.

"No, no. That means fill me back up."

Riley giggled and obliged to Maya, she had a feeling tonight would be crazy, but in a good way.

* * *

Zay picked the two girls up and they took the subway to Missy's party. Maya was pretty tipsy already while Riley was only a little tipsy, she couldn't be more drunk than Maya tonight. What if Maya needed her? That's not to say that Riley wouldn't drink her fair share, though.

Zay noted the two holding hands and being your typical drunk girls, he laughed and then said nothing about it because the two of them were happy, the happiest he's seen them in a long time.

That genuine happiness that has been missing from Riley's life was coming back into view, she hadn't cut, she was a little drunk, her best friend was here with her, no conflict and she had an awesome guy to take care of her when she just didn't feel okay, this was the start of something good for her, she just felt it.

* * *

When they walked into the party they spotted Lucas and Farkle drinking together, Farkle waved but Riley just followed Maya as she dashed toward the drinking games and the cute boys. Missy was very popular, there were kids from other schools and even one that Riley vaguely remembers from Max's party; they smile at each other but everyone at that party was really fucked up so they didn't try to talk. Riley kept a not so vigilant eye on Maya while Maya drank mixed drinks and flirted with the sophomore boy who was in one of Farkle's advanced classes.

Riley asked Farkle "What's his deal, is he up to Maya standards?"

Farkle laughed and responded, "He's a good guy, pretty smart, kinda quiet but he seems to be letting loose tonight. I'd say he fits the bill, don't tell Lucas though."

So Riley let her eyes wander and attempted to give Maya privacy, besides, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. But then she realized that hours had passed and it was nearing midnight and Maya was nowhere to be found.

* * *

Riley stumbled outside to look for Maya, kids from the party went to the alley on the side of Missy's building smoking cigs or whatever they could get their hands on, really. Riley guessed with Maya letting loose that she might be out there but she only found Lucas smoking a cigarette with a bottle of jack in his hands. He never looked at Riley, he was just staring blankly at the brick wall in front of him.

"Lucas?" that caught his attention.

"Oh look, it's Riley." The anger that was in his eyes before had not left. The alcohol ignited the flame, maybe this was Texas Lucas.

"Have you seen Maya?" Riley asked. Lucas removed the cigarette from his lips just to replace it with the glass bottle.

"I have not, you had her break up with me, remember?" There was venom in his voice.

"I didn't want that to happen, you two were good together." Riley countered.

Lucas took one last hit of his cigarette before extinguishing it below his work boot and he went to walk away silently. That was until Riley spoke.

"Lucas, please talk to her if you find her."

Something that Riley said set him off, one of his hands was wrapped around Riley's throat while the other held his bottle securely.

"You fucked this up for me Riley, you fucked it up real bad."

Riley tried to answer, she wanted to tell him that she'd fix it all but she could barely breathe. Lucas noticed her struggle and let go after a few more seconds. Riley heeled over trying to catch her breath. It was only Lucas, he wouldn't do anything else, right? Wrong.

He wrapped one arm around her waist, bottle still in that hand and one over her mouth and picked her up and brought her around the back of Missy's building where no one could hear or see them. Riley was terrified at this point. He shoved her against the wall, her facing the wall and him behind her, one of his hands covering her mouth. She knew she should bite him or wriggle her way out but she was paralyzed by the fear that he would do worse if she tried that. So he did what he wanted to her. His hand left her mouth momentarily but she was shoved against the wall so there was no running, she appealed to him.

"Please Lucas, don't do this. Please." He put down his bottle and put that hand over her mouth again. That was the last opportunity Riley got to talk. Lucas ripped at her underwear until they were completely off and then unzipped his pants and that was it. Lucas was raping Riley,

she hoped her muffled cries and the tears hitting his hands would be enough to stop him. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, especially Maya. But no one came and he didn't stop until he was finished. He zipped himself back up, picked up his bottle and walked out of that alley leaving behind a broken Riley Matthews.

She gathered herself and sat against the wall, silently staring at the ground while quiet tears fell. Until someone found her, "Riley?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey so this is the last chapter! Sorry for my inevitable errors. Thanks for everyone who read it and reviewed it meant the world to me! I might write something else I ****don't know though, suggestions welcome. Also don't freak out at me for the ending lol thanks again! One more thing when they text Max is bold,** _Riley is_ _Italic._ **Enjoy, reviews appreciated!**

* * *

Those blue eyes, that soft brown hair, that mouth that usually held that signature smile of his, Max Sinclair.

Riley tried to regain her composure once she saw him; she avoided eye contact at all costs.

"What are you doing here?" Riley asked him.

"You texted me?" Riley thought about it and then she realized she left her phone with Maya.

"Oh, I forgot, sorry. I have to go find Maya." She wiped the tears from her eyes, she didn't know how long she had sat on that ground for but she couldn't bare to see Max right now, or any of her friends honestly but she needed to at least grab her phone so she just walked away from Max, he followed her.

"Riley, what's wrong?" She heard him but she went back inside to look for Maya to get her phone and there was Maya making out with Lucas in the living room. Riley dashed toward the kitchen went into Missy's drawers and ran towards the bathroom. Max noticing it all ran after her but didn't catch her fast enough. He violently knocked on the door begging her to open up.

"I will break this door down Matthews, I don't even care. Please let me in."

She still did nothing.

Max jiggled the doorknob until it broke and slammed the door behind him and went over to her. She was sitting on the bathroom floor with a steak knife in hand. He never stopped her from cutting but he had to right now, it was worse than ever. She wasn't crying anymore but the bathroom light showed the mascara stains streaming down her face, the crimson flowing off her arms but more noticeably the red bruises of a hand around her neck.

Her wrists were bleeding at a sickeningly fast rate, Max had seen this before sadly, he tied his belt around her arm to slow it down and it seemed to be working. Riley's cream sweater was drenched in her own blood so he took it off her and threw it into the sink. He ran the water and grabbed a washcloth from her linen closet, he cleaned her face up first and then moved to her arm. An all white washcloth was now marooned from blood and blackened from mascara.

There was a silence lingering between them until Max spoke.

"Who did this to you."

"I think we both know I do this to myself Max." Riley knew he was talking about her neck, he's been glaring at it ever since her sweater was off.

"Riley, I recognize those underwear from the alley, they were yours. I just hoped it was a weird quirk of yours. Who hurt you."

Riley stayed silent. Max grew angry.

"I will fucking kill them."

"Max, please" Riley pleaded with him to stop. "Maya has my phone, can you go grab it from her, I wont leave I promise."

Max walked out of the bathroom and was careful to take the knife with him. He looked to the corner where Riley had spotted Maya and what he presumed was the boyfriend Riley told him about. He had to slither through the crowded party to get to her, Lucas had her against the wall, her ass in his hands. He decided to poke Lucas' shoulder because he had Maya pinned. Lucas pulled back and looked at Max with disdain.

"Sorry" Max directed at Lucas and then turned to Maya "you're Maya, do you have Riley's phone?" Maya took it out of her bra and handed it to Max.

"Sorry, I didn't want to lose it. Where is Riley?" Maya asked

"Bathroom, thanks for the phone." Max answered

"Is she okay, should I help?" She started to follow Max but Lucas grabbed her hand and lightly pulled her back.

"She's fine, I've got it." Max retorted.

Max walked back into the bathroom while Maya went back to making out with Lucas. Both were very very drunk Max noted but they seemed harmless.

Riley was looking at the floor with glassy eyes until she noticed Max, and those doe eyes broke his heart. She was hurt to begin with, who could hurt her even more. He doesn't know what exactly happened but someone assaulted her and he'd hurt him if it were the last thing he'd do. He's had fits of anger before he never had one this bad.

"Riles, do you wanna get out of here?" Max asked.

Riley only nodded and then looked over to her still bloodied sweater. Max tried to get more blood out of it but it was still pink and soaked. Max thought on his feet so he tousled his hair and took off his button up and gave it to Riley to put on, he was left in his jeans and a plain white tee shirt. He took the belt off her arm now that the bleeding stopped. He fumbled with her hair and covered up her bruised neck.

"If anyone asks or stops you, we just had sex, it's the best I can come up with this fast. It was also the best hypothetical sex ever too, just so you know."

Riley giggled at Max's attempt to help her, she didn't know why he stuck around but she was glad he did.

He held out his hand for her to help her up and he examined her for more noticeable blood or bruises, he held the sweater in a ball in his hand drapes his arm over her shoulder, not to hurt her but to cover her neck from curious partygoers.  
"Let's go Matthews."

Riley kept her head down but Max was proud enough to keep his head up the whole time. He loved having Riley under his arm. He kept an eye out for any guy who looked at her weird. There were some hoots of congratulations for Max and Riley because Max made it look like they just fucked in Missy's bathroom. Lucas pulled back form Maya because of sounds. They both looked at the two, Lucas was angry. Maya was giggling at it, but Lucas ferociously pushed her back up against that wall.

"Let's find a room, now." Maya was a little intimidated but mostly turned on so Max and Riley left while Lucas and Maya found themselves a room to fuck.

* * *

"I'm going to be Mr. Riley Matthews one today, mark my words." Max said as he popped a fry into his mouth.

He took her to the Nighthawk Diner coincidentally; he hadn't known that Maya's mom used to work there before Topanga's. It was one of the few restaurants open at 1 AM.

"You're stupid, if anything, I'd take your last name." Riley giggled at the thought of Riley Sinclair.

"That's the norm but I like Max and Riley Matthews better, I want you and your life and I'd give up my last name for you. I'd give up a lot more for you."

"How about this fry then?" Riley said as she stole his next fry right out of his hand.

Max wanted to talk to her about what happened to her but she seemed to be better right now, she either started being able to fool him or he wasn't looking hard enough or her cutting herself was enough for her to deal. The last thought scared him more than he was comfortable admitting, he loved Riley. He hasn't told her but he knows he does. Now doesn't seem like an appropriate time to tell her.

Max treaded lightly when talking to Riley. "Matthews, I don't want to force you to do anything or talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable but I am here to listen to you. Whenever, wherever you want to talk about this, I'll be there and if you never want to talk about it well then that's okay too."

Riley looked at him and then back down to her food. "What would there be to say? I was a little choked but I'm crazy and hurt myself so I can't get mad at other people for hurting me too."

Max was in disbelief "Do you honestly believe that? No one has the right to hurt you ever, regardless of what you do to yourself. Plus we both know it was more than that, Riley. Don't ever let anyone hurt you."

Water pooled in Riley's eyes as she spoke, "If I protested, it could have been worse. I asked him not to do it, I was crying. That didn't stop him. He was mad and he could have started beating me or something."

"Who did this to you?"

"I don't know him."

* * *

They walked hand in hand back to her apartment, he was watching out for anyone suspicious.

"This is my building, if you want you can come in. I think my parents fell asleep but I have to check in with them. There's a fire escape that will lead right to my room. That is if you want to…"

Max smiled "I'd love to."

So Riley crept in and peeked into her parent's bedroom and told them she was home. They just rolled back over to go back to bed. Riley went into her room and Max was on the stairs of the fire escape. She waved him up and left her window open while she found a change of clothes. Max walked in right after she was took off his shirt. She was looking at herself in the mirror, in her bra and skirt.

"I'd cry at this sight but I think I am legitimately out of tears." Riley said, heartbroken.

Max walked in front of the mirror blocking her view and facing her.

"I could cry too, because you're just too cute."

He grabbed her face and squished her cheeks forward. She smiled that looked even funnier because the cheeks. She went to find an outfit, she chose a sweatshirt that gathered around the neck so it covered up most of her neck and sweatpants.

"Max, don't feel like you have to if you don't want to, but can you stay over? I am too scared to be alone right now."

"Of course cutie pie, you just give me a blanket and a pillow and the floor will be my home tonight." Max said as he smiled and made Riley smile. His smile always did that to her, it made her forget what she was sad about if only for a second. Riley sat down on her bed.

"I appreciate you not presuming anything but I want you in my bed." She said as she patted the spot of the bed next to her. Max took off his shoes and sat in her bed and her head fell onto his shoulder.

Eventually Max moved to lay down in her bed and Riley nuzzled into his chest. He listened to her breathing eventually slow, he sat there for hours, he watched over her. He didn't want to move, he could startle or scare her. She'd wake up or toss every so often but she clung to him every time and he loved it. Once 4 o'clock hit he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

They were woken up when Maya climbed through Riley's window around 10. The noise clearly scared Riley, Max tried to calm her down before Maya noticed.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

Riley's heart was beating fast and her breathing was short and quick. Max noticed and started to rub her back until it started to slow. Riley rubbed her eyes and tried to pretend she wasn't terrified. "It's okay, what's up?" Riley said.

"I've got some news." Maya said.

Max interrupted "Hey, I am going to let you two chat, text me if you need anything, Matthews." He leaned over and kissed her sweetly, picked up his things and left out the window.

Maya smirked at Riley and Riley giggled.

"Me and Lucas got back together!" Maya exclaimed excitedly as she plopped down on Riley's bed.

Riley tried her best to force a smile but she started to shake at the mere mention of his name. What if he does the same thing to Maya? Would he remember, he was so drunk. What would happen when they had to see each other? They have class together; they have lunch together.

Riley finally managed to get something out, "That's awesome, Maya!"

Maya noticed Riley's shaking and then after glaring at Riley, she noticed the bruises sneaking over the top of her sweatshirt.

"What happened to you?!" Maya yelled.

"Would you keep it down? My parents are home." Riley whispered

"Riles, your fucking neck is like purple and red and don't even try and play that off as a hickey."

"Maya, I am fine, it was just a little accident."

"What kind of fucking accident? Did Max do this to you?" That set Riley off, Maya's boyfriend was the one who caused these bruises and yet she accuses Riley's… Max.

"No, Max did not do this to me, he has been nothing but amazing to me and I hate that you would accuse him or hurting me. He has never hurt me ever."

Maya's eyes narrowed as she said "So who did this Riles?"

"I did, I was playing the choking game in the alley." Riley said.

Maya went to inspect the bruise but Riley deemed that Maya was too close and abruptly backed up so that Maya wouldn't touch her. She hit her back off her headboard on her bed.

"The choking game? Riley I don't believe that who did this to you?" Maya asked again.

"I did it to me Maya, don't you understand? I hurt myself on purpose sometimes, I wanted a quick high and then Max found me because you texted him and he made me stop." Riley seemed to convince her this time.

"I thought we were done with this? I thought everything was getting better." Maya said with sadness in her eyes.

"Getting better, not being better, I'll stumble along the way and I did, I stumbled." Riley said seriously, she had really stumbled last night, that wasn't a lie.

"I have to tell your parents Riles, I'm sorry." Maya went to stand up and Riley grabbed her wrist like Maya did all that time ago, stopping Riley from running away.

"Maya, I am begging you, do not tell my parents."

The buzzer went off in Riley's apartment. Riley looked to Maya "Wait here."

Riley peaked outside of her door as her mother opened it. There was Cory, waiting with suitcases and Topanga hugged him and then looked back to Riley with pleading in her eyes. Riley stood there frozen not having talked to her father since Belleview, but she just looked at her mother like how could you do this. Riley sunk back into her room and locked the door just looking at the ground.

"Who's here?" Maya asked.

"My dad, he's moving back in and I had no idea."

"Maybe this is good, we can all talk about this." Maya suggested.

"He left because I am a fuck up, do you honestly think that us talking about this would be good? I'd be so happy if he left and I never saw him again but I have Auggie to think about and I don't want to drive my parents apart and have him hate me and grow up in two different homes or god forbid without my shit of a father."

The comment Riley made about growing without a father made Maya falter a bit. "What if you ended up killing yourself, Riley?"

There was a knock at Riley's door. Topanga asked "Can I come in?"

"Fuck off" Riley yelled towards her mother. Riley then directed her attention towards Maya and whispered to her, "Maya, can we go somewhere like grab some food or something I can't be here I am just freaking the fuck out." Riley's heart was racing and she started to shake again. "We can talk us two but not them."

"Okay," Maya answered.

Riley grabbed some things, changed into a pair of jeans but kept the same sweatshirt, packed a backpack and then climbed out her window with Maya. They walked to their local park and sat on the bench.

"Can you invite your boyfriend? I want to meet him." Maya asked

Riley smiled, "Yeah I'd like that, I'll text him."

 _Can you come grab lunch with me and Maya? She wants to meet you and I am sort of freaking out._

 **Anything for you, where are you? I'll pick you guys up.**

 _Greenwich Park, thank you Max. I don't know what I'd do without you._

Max pulled up in a Mercedes; he was driving himself. He pulled over and parked and got out to greet them.

"Hey guys, where are we going to eat?" Riley ran up and hugged him and he smelled so good, he was such a comfort to her. He smiled, "Hey Matthews."

"Anywhere, really." Maya said, she was still suspicious of Max.

"Okay, I know a place." He gestured that they walk towards his car, Max rushed forward to open their doors. Riley sat shotgun while Maya got in the back, he waited to close the doors and walked to the driver's seat. He held out his hand for her to hold and she did not miss the opportunity. Maya noticed but was uncomfortable because she thinks he did this to her, little did she know it was her own boyfriend who attacked her, raped her.

"Riles, do you mind if Lucas meets us?" Riley, out of instinct, squeezed Max's hand and then immediately stopped and then she shook, Max noticed, Maya was looking down at her phone.

"Yea, you can ask him."

* * *

Max took them to a nicer deli type restaurant in Manhattan. He sat next to Riley, and Maya sat across from them. And then he walked in, Lucas, happiness when he saw Maya and regret when his eyes met Riley. Maya noticed their look; she had assumed he was scared for her when he looked at her barely noticeable neck.

Riley broke their look and whispered to Max "We need to leave now." Riley felt the tears burning in her eyes, the pain in her neck, the ache in between her legs, the wobble of her throat and the beating of her heart. Max took her hand, threw down some money for them and led her out.

Max had confirmed who raped Riley; it was Lucas. He wanted to take him and kill him right there but Riley was too important to him to let her see something like that, she was anti-violence but Lucas' time would come and Max knew it. He spoke for her "I have to go and well she wants to come."

He held her hand as they walked out, she kept her head down, Lucas stared at her, and Max furiously glared at Lucas. Maya watched it all, she could have come to some conclusion if her judgment hadn't been clouded by her love for Lucas.

Once Riley reached the outside of the restaurant, the tears escaped. She was short of breath; she was having a panic attack. Max just rubbed her back and told her it would all be okay.

Riley spoke, just above a whisper, "It was him, Lucas… he raped me."

It was the first time Riley admitted it and Max balled his fists and anger flushed his face.

"You won't leave me now, will you?" Riley asked shyly.

"Riley Matthews, are you kidding me? You are so important to me. I have wanted to tell you for so long that I love you, I wrote it in my journal back at Belleview and I wanted to wait and tell you in a big way. I wanted to wait so I didn't scare you away and I want to ask you out officially in a way that you deserve and I was taking a long time but I think you need to know this now: I love you so fucking much. No one can ruin that, not him, not you, I love you and I won't stop because some fuck raped you." Max just looked at Riley, hoping to god that his message got through to her.

Riley looked up at him with her bloodshot doe eyes and said, "I love you too."

He just held her as she calmed down.

She finally spoke up again, "My dad came home this morning, he is moving back in."

"Do you want to stay with me? Or I can rent a hotel room if you wouldn't want to run into my family?" Max asked.

"I have 100$ so if we can find a small shitty hotel room on a Saturday night for that then by all means." Riley looked at Max and laughed.

Max smiled, "You wont stay in a shitty hotel room, we shall pamper ourselves. My dad has a tab at the Waldorf, I don't question it or investigate because frankly I don't want to know the answer but they wont notice another charge from there."

"Wow, you are the best… Max, ever." Riley blushed after she said it.

"What can I say, I try I try." Max feigned innocence as he said it.

So they started to walk to his car when he closed Riley's door for her, he took out his phone and texted an old friend.

 **Lucas Friar, address. I'll pay for the information.**

* * *

They were laying down in the king size bed in their suite at the Waldorf. It was 2 in the morning and Riley was still tossing and turning. She woke up Max on accident.

Max offered to her "I have a prescription to Ambien, it's a sleeping pill. If you want some, no pressure but you could probably use some sleep after the day you've had."

She rolled over to check the time on her phone and was greeted by several texts from her mother and Maya and even one from Lucas. She threw it across the room without warning, the case broke off of it, neither dared to look at the state of the phone.

"Can I please, I just want some silence." Riley asked

"Of course," he kissed the top of her head before getting out of bed to grab the pills from his coat pocket. He got her a glass of water and handed her the pills. She took them.

"Thanks" she turned away her back to him as she fell back asleep within about twenty minutes. Once Max felt confident she was asleep, he left her a note and took a walk. A walk to a certain Texas native's apartment.

He reached the building with no way to get in, so he tried scaling the fire escape until he saw him under his blue comforter with a Texas flag on his wall. He stood there for a second and then his anger took over, he didn't even try to open the window, he just put his left fist through it, unlocked it and lifted it up. He needed his right arm to beat the shit out of Lucas. Lucas was immediately awake. Max climbed on top of him and took his bloody left hand and started choking Lucas.

"Why the fuck would you do this to her? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Max screamed at Lucas while his right hand was hitting Lucas viciously, repeatedly. Max knew someone would come in soon but Lucas would have known who did it to him anyways.

Lucas couldn't answer because he couldn't breathe. Both Max's hands were bloody but now it wasn't only his blood, Lucas was covered in red and losing consciousness. Max let go of his neck for a second so he wouldn't die on him yet.

"She didn't want you, and you fucking raped her?! And then go and had sex with her best friend you piece of shit!" Max's hand was back on Lucas' neck until Lucas' father finally came in and threw Max off of Lucas. Max took no time to wait, bolting out the window. Lucas was left unconscious, and severely beaten. Max ran back to the Waldorf, bloody hands hidden in his pocket, he wore a black pea coat so blood was not noticeable. Lucas never even hand the chance to hit Max; his arms weren't long enough to reach. Max slid back into their hotel room, washing off his hands and back into his boxers and a tee shirt. He got into bed wanting to spend the, potentially, last night of freedom he had with Riley. Even it was just watching her sleep.

They were woken up to angry banging on the door; Riley was terrified. Max told her to stay back. Max looked through the peephole and didn't know if he was more scared to see his father then the police. Max slowly opened the door and his father swung at his face. Max knew he deserved that.

"How many times can I keep getting you out of trouble, that boy is in the ICU. This will cost us both." Max's father yelled

Max looked back at Riley who had tears in her eyes, Max hated that he did that, she has to know it's Lucas in the ICU, he doubts it's because she saw his father hit him.

"Max!" his father screamed at him. He turned back to his father.

"Can we talk in the hall, please?" Max asked, his father walked out and Max followed closing the door behind him. Riley wanted to rush over and listen but she didn't want to betray him.

"I'm sorry dad, I really am and I am willing to accept any punishment you deem appropriate but he raped that girl, the girl who I love and I know you guys don't know about her because I never told you guys but I do. She doesn't want people to know but his dad heard me yelling at him for doing it."

Max's father had a glimpse of understanding in his eyes but mostly anger towards his son. "I already got you out of potential trouble with the law but you will be going back to a hospital, in Florida. Say goodbye because you are going tonight."

"Thank you dad." Max said sincerely, he knew he would get in trouble. Max walked back in the hotel room alone, with a fresh bruise under his eye. He thought Riley would be scared of him or mad but she wasn't she rain into his arms and he caught her as she wrapped her legs around him.

"I have to go back to a hospital I am so sorry Riley," she just cried in his arms for a few minutes. His dad knocked for him to leave, Max looked at Riley once more to capture everything. With bloodshot eyes, a beet red face and a runny nose, she was still the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. She held his cut up bruised hands and kissed him one last time. Max gathered his things and left with his father.

"I love you, Matthews"

"I love you, Maxwell Henry Sinclair, the fourth."

* * *

So Max was sent away, to another hospital with other journals, and no way to talk to Riley. So he wrote once again:

 _I miss her, I get scared that someone's hurting her. Not necessarily in the conventional, physical sense, like she'd been hurt before. I am scared they won't notice the change in her eyes when her thoughts go somewhere they shouldn't be or they won't watch the way she moves her body when she has new cuts on her body. I want to be with her but that kid had it coming, he hurt someone who was already so broken._

 _I can't think about her hurting herself or him hurting her and me not being there, it breaks my heart. I love her so much and we're gonna end up together someway somehow. I want to have kids with her, scratch that, I might want to adopt because, well, we have some problems but we'd make a set of kick ass parents. I want to be there to catch her when she falls and be her human pillow, a shoulder to cry on when she needs me. She's my maze, my complicated beautiful puzzle. My parents will probably ban me from her but she's Matthews, how could I ever stay away from her?_

 _I love her and this time around I know she loves me too, it gives me hope. Hope for my future, hope for our future. I can't wait to talk to her and I want to tell her that I'll always be there to listen to her, once I am out of this hell hole. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with that girl._

And with no communication with the outside world; Max never saw that Belleview was shut down for their corrupt staff. He never knew what happened to Lucas. He never knew if Riley told anyone what happened. He never talked to his sister he loved so much. He never knew if Riley ever talked to her father. He never knew if she ever hurt herself again. He never saw her obituary. He never found out that Riley Matthews was dead.


End file.
